I’m an extremely observant person. I mean I can like figure out exactly what is going on in someone’s life after eavesdropping (what, sometimes it gets boring waiting in line) on a conversation for three minutes. I could be a detective in all seriousness. The observing I’ve been doing lately is not so mystery novel-like though. I’ve just been noticing ridiculous things while driving to and from places and surfing the internet.
One of the most important observations I’ve made in the last week is that Taco Time is now open at 7:00am! Thank God, because this is exactly when I crave a greasy taco and a side of tater tots. 7:00am… Is this really necessary? Anyway, while driving I also discovered that certain people may not understand the meaning of being “spoiled.” I was driving behind a car whose license plate cover read, “I’m Spoiled, My Husband Loves Me.” First of all, that’s just a stupid thing to put on a license plate cover (is there a good one really?), but the worst part was it was on a Ford Taurus! I almost pulled up to the lady, rolled down my window and shouted, “You should have asked for a Jag.” Ok, I might be acting snotty. Maybe a Taurus really is a sweet ride for some.
In addition to tacos anytime, I realized you can now have a drink the size of your entire torso… to go! Ok, I’ve known about these for awhile… You know, the GINORMOUS big gulp cups you can find at places like the 7-11 that make you nervous someone might actually try to drive with the thing and cause an accident because it blocked their entire line of sight just due to the size. Well, I saw a 7-year-old kid chugging one of these down at a water park this week. There was a dark liquid coming out of the straw (read: soda) and he didn’t take his mouth off of the straw for like a solid five minutes. The mom was sitting right next to him with her own matching mug. Holy shit Mom, what went through your head when you decided to buy your kid 1,000 calories of sugar?
Lastly, I discovered this morning that you can find porn by searching for just about anything. No, I’m not looking for porn. I was actually googling “kitchen countertop pictures” (these exact words) and jackpot! there was a picture of a half naked lady on, what else, a kitchen countertop! Ok, it’s soft porn, but still.