Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

I am the cleanest person you will ever meet.  I don’t mean my physical being.  I can go days without washing my hair, but all hell will break loose if I catch someone not taking their shoes off before entering the house AFTER TROMPING THROUGH THE SNOW… Ok, and maybe after just stepping foot outside, but that’s not the point.  And I’m not just one of those surface cleaners.  Those people don’t know jack shit about cleaning.  I am a deep, will use a Q-tip if I have to, kind of a cleaner.  I’m the real deal.

I’m not totally positive where I get this.  Maybe it’s a combination of an obsessive compulsive disorder (No, I have not been diagnosed) and the trauma of a very messy childhood home.  My parents were not tidy people.  My mom is now, but back in the day she sucked at keeping the house in order.  And since I was kind of the “mom” of the house (that’s an entirely different blog… perhaps several), I was always the one doing the cleaning.  There may have been a time or two when I screamed at the top of my lungs for my younger brother and sister to, “CLEAN UP YOUR HUT IN THE LIVING ROOM.  I JUST FINISHED CLEANING!”

It might sound strange but if my house isn’t clean, I can’t really concentrate on anything else.  My home is very important to me.  I spend a lot of time there, so it’s important that it not feel like a total shit hole.  So, I clean a lot.  (Do I sound like I’m justifying?) And sometimes Rob will say something like, “Do you think maybe you have a problem?”  That’s his nice way of asking why I’m completely anal retentive about the state of our home and if he should commit me.  But is it standing in the way of me living a full life?  Not really.  Does it make me want to swear like a sailor and start saying things under my breath like, “I’m the only one that cleans up around here” when I find an ass load of crumbs on the counter?  Absolutely.  As of today, I’m alright with my neat freak ways though.  And until someone wants to hire me a maid (and it better be one that cleans as well as me!), I will continue on my quest to being a God.

5 thoughts on “Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

  1. Emily Stephens

    Ha I was almost sure you’d put something about your messy step-daughter in there! workin on that though 🙂

  2. Cassie

    Love your new blog, you are very entertaining! Im grateful I’m not the only clean freak out there. :>

  3. Robert Stephens

    OK, admitting it is the first step and I’d like to think we could get you some help… and I’m not talking about a maid.
    First of all, her “…ass load of crumbs.” is more like a microscopic, petri dish sample that’s on the order of quark physics. I can’t see it, even after she’s pointed it out with one of her “Can’t you eat without dropping shit all over the counter.” blasts. Admittedly, I’m more of a surface cleaner. If it looks good with a half drunk squint while walking by then I’m good.
    Actually, I’ve improved over the years. Partly because I’ve learned to enjoy a clean home but mostly for pure marital survival. The problem is, Sondra is getting cleaner by the second. By the time she’s forty she will have scrubbed our home into oblivion. A black hole where dirt, and those crumbs, are thrust at the speed of light into another world. Of course, we’ll be in that other world as well. And I’ll be stinking up the place with microscopic crumbs.

    1. sonieann4 Post author

      I debated on approving this, dear husband of mine. Your embellishment is a little out of hand, don’t you think?:)

  4. Vinci

    I totally relate to this….my husband thought I had a “problem” as well but after a few years he finally gave in and just goes with the flow. Unless he hires a maid that can clean better than me, he knows he’s just going to have to deal with it! I mean, isn’t that better than being a total gross slob!!! Personally, I find cleaning therapeutic……


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