Let me start this by saying that I am very grateful for my life and all that I’ve been given.  Having said that, lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and whether it’s the life I want to live.  I know that I will always want to surround myself with family and those people that I cherish with all my heart…. But… what about all the STUFF that I have acquired and surround myself with?  Should I just feel happy that I have access to nice things, a beautiful home, little stress about money?  Or should I be taking a step back and asking myself, “Is having all these things really worth it?”  Rob and I were talking the other night about how our lives continue to get more stressful as we get older.  And doesn’t that seem backwards?  When we first met, we lived in a much smaller home with a low maintenance yard.  Now, we live in a larger home with a jungle of a yard, and although we love how beautiful and cozy our home and yard are, we spend SO much time maintaining them.

So, I’m torn.  On one hand, I really want to simplify my life.  I know that if I shifted gears a little I could live with a lot less.  On the other hand, I really want to expand and remodel my kitchen.  Do you see the dilemma?  It’s like it’s wonderful to have nice things, but with those nice things comes more responsibility and obligation.  You can’t just decide to take the summer off.  There are bills to pay!

The bottom line is I do have some reevaluating to do.  Life is too short to be stressed all the time.  Life is to be enjoyed… to the fullest… each and everyday.  Of course no matter what life I live, I know there will be ups and downs, but days are turning into months and months into years.  Time is moving quickly and I’m not slowing down enough to take it all in.  I don’t want to look back on my life one day and ask, “Where did it go?  What did I do?”  I want to look back and say, “I made a difference.  I was happy with my life and the choices I made.”  Is this possible?

1 thought on “Torn

  1. CP

    Of course it’s possible, my friend, but remember the moment you put conditions on your happiness…you will suffer. Life is the 6 inches in front of your face, the moment, if the moment is good then life is good…and if the moment is rubbish, well, the next moment will soon arrive:)

    The beautiful but often bittersweet mind fuck called life is full of trails, and you will take some shit from your buddy CP, but you will find your way just as you always have. To age gracefully or age happily…to live rightly or to live contently, surely there is room for both, but in this world, this imperfect little blue and white dot of ours, will demand a sacrifice. Such is the price we pay to be “torn”.


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