Taking the Edge Off

I am totally not the pill popping type.  I mean I can’t really take anything even if I wanted to.  When I got my wisdom teeth out they prescribed Percocet.  I took half of a pill and within three minutes the room started to spin.  I spent the entire night on the bathroom floor.  The only thing that stopped the heaving was an anti-nausea that Rob got for me by calling the doctor and saying, “I’m pretty sure my wife is going to die.”  If you’ve ever had the opportunity to take an anti-nausea you know that it’s not something you swallow.  Figure that one out.

A year or two later I was having some jaw pain.  My psychotic, anorexic, pill addicted boss offered one of her Vicodin.  Half pill down and, well, you know the story.  I mean I can’t even take Nyquil for hell sakes!  No, there is no vomiting, but I sleep for like days and then when I wake up I feel like I’m in a dream-like state for another day or two.  I would not make a good drug addict.

I’m feeling the stress the last couple of days though and keep thinking it would be nice to have something to take the edge off.  God, I sound like a drug addict though! Relax.  My drug of choice tonight is Bruno Mars.  I know, what am I 16?  No, because I’ll probably also mix in a glass of wine.  The strange thing is that the first line in the song I’m listening to talks about morphine.  What is going on here?

Oh, speaking of Bruno Mars though… You know his song ‘Grenade?’  Well, some of the words are, “What you don’t understand is I’d catch a grenade for ya, throw my hand on the blade for ya.  You know I’d do anything for ya.”  Last week Rob was singing this song for whatever reason, but his version went like this, “I would drink lemonade for you!”  How selfless.  You would drink lemonade for me?  Now that is love.

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