As I’ve been out and about the last few days, I’ve noticed a number of disturbing things. Because that’s what I do best; I’m “Queen of Observation.” As a side note, in the sixth grade, someone said I was the “Queen of Fashion.” If you saw my pictures from sixth grade you would probably disagree (and rightly so). Anyway, observing. That’s what I’ve been doing. Here’s a rundown:
Observation #1: Parents totally have a favorite child
Listen, I’ve known this for quite some time, but it was recently in the news when some blogger admitted to having a favorite kid. And people were all, “Oh my god, that is so terrible to admit!” I’m not saying the kid that isn’t the favorite is going to dig it, but chances are good that by the time he/she is old enough, it will have already been made obvious to them. The truth is that most parents have a favorite kid. Most parents just don’t want to admit it. My parents totally have a favorite kid. At first I wasn’t sure which one it was positively. I just knew for certain it wasn’t me (with either parent). Honestly, I’m OK with this. I mean I feel a little bad that I’m favorite number 4 out of 4, but with a little therapy I should be fine. What’s weird is that I think both of my parents have the same favorite; the baby. The last child being the favorite makes sense. I mean by then you’re probably a little more relaxed about raising a kid. Plus, that kid is almost guaranteed to be spoiled, which will make them like you more. It’s a winning combo if you ask me.
Observation #2: It’s Death Season
I was in a desperate search for the orange Halloween taffy (you know, the taffy with the black little face) the other day. At each of my stops, I noticed a different sign out front for a shot (vaccination). I saw the following signs within a 2-mile radius: flu, whooping cough, meningitis and shingles. And I started to panic, because so far I haven’t received any of those shots. Am I supposed to get a shot to help me from getting shingles? Or is this some sort of advertising scam? The signs were very well-made and the message was simple…. “Get your meningitis shot today or else….” I didn’t get vaccinated for anything that day, but I did find the orange taffy (score!).
Observation #3: People can see what you’re doing inside your car
I’ve observed lots of people doing weird or nasty things inside their rigs. The classic, of course, is the nose pick. I still don’t understand why people haven’t learned you should ONLY do this when traveling at high rates of speed. Anyway, this week was not a nose pick. Instead, at a stoplight I noticed a girl looking through an “anatomy coloring book.” First of all, why do they have anatomy coloring books? Weird. Of course I instantly wondered if she was looking at the porn section (aka genitals). And she was! I totally caught her staring at the male genital pages! Then I thought, does she have to color this page? Probably. My stepdaughter is taking a Human Sexuality class and they had to draw this shit… in a group! Talk about awkward.