Tag Archives: Halloween

Literally Putting the Fun in Dysfunction

My family is so fun.  I know I’ve talked about this before.  Like here.  But seriously people, it is kind of out of hand how much of a good time we have together.  I mean we like genuinely like hanging out together.  Our latest hangout, which sadly all the fam couldn’t make, was a trip to Cali.  Last year we went there for Stevie’s Make-A-Wish Trip and so we decided to go back again this year to remember her and celebrate the amazing time she had there just shortly before she passed.

Day one was just a day of hanging out before Universal Studios.  So we did what everyone does that is traveling with a group of 10 and has a day in Long Beach.  We got hammered at a Mexican restaurant and then hung out at the Lakewood Mall.  Oh, that’s not what everyone does?  Well whatever.  That’s what we do.  In all fairness, not all of us were hammered.  My sister’s father-in-law was the instigator and the one ordering all the drinks, so I’m sure he was, but I suppose I should let everyone speak for themselves.  Seriously though, leave it to the old guy to try to get everyone drunk.  Leave it to the rest of us to decide to go to the mall.  It wasn’t even a good mall.  It did have a Target though.  Dylan immediately made use of the Halloween costumes.  You have to admit, he looks really good as a banana.

Yes, he also found some aviator sunglasses and, of course, a weapon.

Yes, he also found some aviator sunglasses and, of course, a weapon.

Day two was really the whole point of the trip – It was the day to get our scare on at Universal Studios for Halloween Horror Nights!  This is what we did for Stevie’s trip last year, and I am happy to say that I got the shit scared out of me repeatedly once again.  She would have loved that.  Here we are looking scary… or dead.  I don’t know.  Just pretend it’s cool.

We are amazing posers.

We are amazing posers.

After being really scared and really tired, it was time to spend a day relaxing at Newport Beach.  We were lucky enough to stay in a beautiful beach house, and I realized once again, that I really would be good at being rich.  As in, I could totally do the whole Newport Beach beach house thing.  Plus, I’m not at all awkward when running into famous people.  While taking the beach cruisers for a spin with my sister and brother, Mark McGrath from the band Sugar Ray (act like you love them and still know who they are) was also out cruising.  My calm, cool response was to scream and point, “Hey, you’re that guy!”  I don’t know why he didn’t stop and ask us to swing by his place later.  Weird.  It may have been because it took Jess, Spence and I the rest of the bike ride to come up with the first line of their most popular song.  Mark probably knew we weren’t true fans.  I don’t have a picture to prove my celebrity sighting, but I have this picture.

Jess and Spence cruising.

Jess and Spence cruising.

In closing, vacations with my family are kind of amazing.  We laughed so much on this trip (partly because I’m hilarious) and you could just feel the love we have for each other and for Stevie Roonie. Thanks for keeping us together, Stevie.  We know you’re always along for the ride.  Here’s the whole group, some with zombie eyes, which is perfect for a Halloween trip.  Also, I can’t seem to fix it.

A fresh seafood dinner!

A fresh seafood dinner!

Putting the Fun in Dysfunction

My family is extremely dysfunctional.  I’m talking drugs, depression and a bunch of other stuff I’m hoping one day I can write about without people yelling at me.  Our dysfunction is nothing we’re too ashamed to openly talk about though.  My siblings and I  can be found at family gatherings talking about things that occurred in our childhood that others have only heard about on news stories and Lifetime movies. At the end of the day though, we all love each other.  And we’ve worked through the trials.  Not that they’re over or anything.  Oh no, they are not over.

I love getting together with these people because we make each other laugh.  And even when my brother-in-law is making mixed drinks for my Mormon grandpa and my mom is sighing loudly for the millionth time, we’re all still (usually) smiling.  No, it’s not because we’re all drunk.  Usually only a couple of people are drunk.  The rest of us are just happy to be there; sharing stories, laughing and spending time together.

Here we all (minus my little sister) are last night at our annual pumpkin carving event.  Is everyone looking at the camera?  No.  Is someone (Mom!) hiding?  Yes. Does my nephew Dylan have a pumpkin on his head?  Of course he does!

False Advertising

To say that the advertisement pictures I’m about to share with you represent false advertising would be a HUGE understatement.  Like the most ridiculous understatement ever.  This ad in the coupon packet that comes in the mail every couple of weeks has brought me such joy.  Ok, maybe not joy but at least happiness. I laughed so hard when I saw this that a little pee may have come out.

Are you ready?  Ok, this is an ad/coupon for a local orthodontist.  And the orthodontist obviously thought it would be compelling to show a before braces and after braces picture.  I totally agree.  BUT (this is a big BUT), the person in the before shot must be the same person in the after shot.  Do these look like a match to you?

Wow, getting your Halloween teeth fixed makes you look 25 years younger!

Again, what a transformation!















Can you even believe this?  Not only are these totally different people, but they didn’t even try to find people that kind of  look alike! Oh, and the fake Halloween teeth are not doing you any favors Dr. Clueless-as-shit.

Just Doing What I Do Best

As I’ve been out and about the last few days, I’ve noticed a number of disturbing things.  Because that’s what I do best; I’m “Queen of Observation.”  As a side note, in the sixth grade, someone said I was the “Queen of Fashion.”  If you saw my pictures from sixth grade you would probably disagree (and rightly so).  Anyway, observing.  That’s what I’ve been doing.  Here’s a rundown:

Observation #1: Parents totally have a favorite child

Listen, I’ve known this for quite some time, but it was recently in the news when some blogger admitted to having a favorite kid.  And people were all, “Oh my god, that is so terrible to admit!”  I’m not saying the kid that isn’t the favorite is going to dig it, but chances are good that by the time he/she is old enough, it will have already been made obvious to them.  The truth is that most parents have a favorite kid.  Most parents just don’t want to admit it.  My parents totally have a favorite kid. At first I wasn’t sure which one it was positively.  I just knew for certain it wasn’t me (with either parent).  Honestly, I’m OK with this.  I mean I feel a little bad that I’m favorite number 4 out of 4, but with a little therapy I should be fine.  What’s weird is that I think both of my parents have the same favorite; the baby.  The last child being the favorite makes sense.  I mean by then you’re probably a little more relaxed about raising a kid.  Plus, that kid is almost guaranteed to be spoiled, which will make them like you more.  It’s a winning combo if you ask me.

Observation #2: It’s Death Season

I was in a desperate search for the orange Halloween taffy (you know, the taffy with the black little face) the other day.  At each of my stops, I noticed a different sign out front for a shot (vaccination).  I saw the following signs within a 2-mile radius: flu, whooping cough, meningitis and shingles.  And I started to panic, because so far I haven’t received any of those shots.  Am I supposed to get a shot to help me from getting shingles?  Or is this some sort of advertising scam?  The signs were very well-made and the message was simple…. “Get your meningitis shot today or else….” I didn’t get vaccinated for anything that day, but I did find the orange taffy (score!).

Observation #3: People can see what you’re doing inside your car

I’ve observed lots of people doing weird or nasty things inside their rigs.  The classic, of course, is the nose pick.  I still don’t understand why people haven’t learned you should ONLY do this when traveling at high rates of speed.  Anyway, this week was not a nose pick.  Instead, at a stoplight I noticed a girl looking through an “anatomy coloring book.”  First of all, why do they have anatomy coloring books?  Weird.  Of course I instantly wondered if she was looking at the porn section (aka genitals). And she was!  I totally caught her staring at the male genital pages!  Then I thought, does she have to color this page?  Probably.  My stepdaughter is taking a Human Sexuality class and they had to draw this shit… in a group! Talk about awkward.

Introducing the Badees…

Guess what friends?  I have a new and exciting series here at Sonie’s blog!  It’s called The Badees (pronounced bu dees).  This is a series in which I “sing” a song using badees (you’ll get it when you see it) and you have to guess which song I’m “singing.”   It’s supposed to be funny, so my feelings are not going to be hurt if you laugh.  In fact, I hope you do laugh… with me, of course, not at me.

In honor of Halloween, the first is a Halloween song… well, sort of.  If you know it, say you know it, but don’t tell us the song.  I’ll reveal that later.  Your prize will be a warm fuzzy feeling.  You’re welcome!