I seriously love some of the things that come out of the mouths of my niece and nephew. Yes, there are times when the words that come out of Stevie’s (my niece) mouth make me want to do other things besides laugh, but she’s pretty damn funny a lot of the time. Last weekend I babysat for a few hours and Stevie loves to pretend like she’s going out on a date and I am the babysitter. So, she hands me her doll and says, “I’m going on a date with my husband.” When I asked her who said husband was, I thought for sure it would be Justin Bieber. Instead Stevie’s response was, “Kevin Bacon.” Not bad. I mean yes, he’s a little old for her, but he’s a pretty big stud if you ask me.
Babysitting her doll while she goes out is something I can get behind. What I can’t really seem to get into is her wanting me to pretend like I’m pregnant and then go into labor. Listen, the kid has seen a lot of “medical” shows on TV. She’s fascinated by them because of all of her health problems, I suppose. Anyway, she may or may not have seen a few episodes of TLC’s A Baby Story. You know, the one where they show the woman giving birth. Yeah, that one. This is how it went down the other night:
Stevie: “Aunt Sonie, pretend like you’re pregnant.”
Stevie: “Call me on the phone because you’re excited you’re pregnant.”
Me: “Ring ring. Hi, Stevie? Guess what?! I’m pregnant!”
Stevie: “Ok, now push.”
Me: “Oh, I’m in labor now?”
Stevie: “Yes. Ok, you are dilated to 6.”
Me: “Oh God, you know about dilation?” She’s 7.
Stevie: “Push Aunt Sonie.”
Me: “Ok, this is a little weird actually. How about we pretend like I adopt a baby.”
Me: “Do you know what adoption is? Some people can’t have babies and other people can but aren’t able to take care of them. So, you can adopt someone else’s baby. It’s a long process and you pay money.” Listen, it was the best explanation I could come up with.
Stevie: “Ok, here’s your baby. $6 please.”
What a steal, right?!
My nephew, Dylan, can also be quite comical. We were trick-or-treating with the kids last week and there was some dude hanging out in his driveway. Apparently he does that every year. It’s a little creepy if you ask me, just sitting there, but whatever. Anyway, Dylan was walking with my brother when he saw him, pointed and said, “Hey look, a redneck!” When Spencer told him to keep it down he was like, “What, he looks like one.”
I’m not entirely sure where Dylan has heard about rednecks but I quickly informed him that his dad is also a redneck. There are levels of rednecks and his dad happens to be at the classiest level, but as my brother put it, “He really enjoys redneck culture.” Is he anywhere near the redneck level of the family on Honey Boo Boo? God no, but he does like to take in the occasional demolition derby or monster truck crawl. That and his trucks are jacked up, and once in awhile he sports a mullet.
My family is awesome.