You know those people that are always like, “things happen for a reason?” Maybe you’re one of them. I am the person that is like sure, some things happen for a reason. Other things happen and I’m like, “Why the fuck did that happen?” And there is like no way I will ever arrive at an answer. I don’t think that everything happens for a reason. Some things so do though, and I love when you’re like, yeah, that’s totally why that happened.
The jobless situation I’m in now so happened for a reason. The stress was killing me. I mean it was literally doing bad things to my mental and physical well-being. Beyond that, I think I needed something like this to happen in order for me to once again stand back and say, What is it I really want out of life? How can this change in direction get me there? I wish I could say I have it figured out, but it’s only been two and a half weeks, so be patient. Selling everything (or most of everything) we own and building a small house somewhere somewhat off the grid sounds completely amazing to me, but I know that it’s not in the cards at this very moment. I plan to shuffle and re-deal until it is though.
On a lighter note, look at all this fun Rob and I are having with some much needed time off. Yes, it was chilly. It’s possible we had very little feeling in our hands when it was all said and done, but we did have a good time.
Woohoo, we can’t feel our fingers!
So last time I blogged I was all like, “things have to change.” And guess what? They have! I mean I wasn’t expecting the change, but it happened, and so I’m embracing it. The job I was doing day in and day out that was as my sister said, “crushing my soul” is over. And you know what? My soul feels infinitely lighter. I guarantee you my cortisol levels have plummeted as well.
Obviously the loss of one of the loves of my life is still there. There will always be a piece of me missing in some way because of that loss. Now I feel like I have the ability to honor her though. I want the choices I make, big and small, to be choices that Stevie can look down on and say, “Good job, Aunt Sonie.”
Last Friday Rob and I took our nephew to a campout at Red Butte Garden. I literally had to pick Dylan up 20 minutes after the news of losing my job. Of course, I tried my best to hold it together, but I was a bit emotional. Can I just tell you how great Dylan made me feel though? Leave it to an 11 year old. Not only did he say how sorry he was that I lost my job many times throughout the weekend but he also thought up new jobs. It turns out he feels very strongly that I should work at Game Stop. Yes, the video game store. It took everything in me to not completely crack up. Instead I was like, “Well, I don’t really like video games very much.” Dylan assured me that it didn’t matter and that it is “the easiest job ever.” The kid is dead serious. If I don’t want to work at Game Stop, option number two was Subway. Subway was my first job nearly 20 years ago. I think I’ll try for something else.
How lucky I am to have Dylan and others in my life who lift me up and remind me what this life is all about. Here’s to my next adventure and making Stevie proud!