So my place of employment started a health incentive program a few months ago. To incentivize their employees to be healthier, they are offering an increase in our current store discount (my place of employment happens to be a retail business).  They will pay annually to have us tested, should we choose, for cholesterol, body mass index (BMI is a calculation between your height, weight and body fat) and blood pressure.  Depending on your results, you may be eligible for a 2, 5, 7 or 10% discount increase.  Sounds sweet, right?  That’s what I thought until I had the tests done.  Listen, I am really a very healthy person.  I eat a well balanced diet (except for all the sugar), exercise regularly, don’t smoke, etc. etc.  Turns out none of that has done me jack shit.  Well, my BMI was stellar, so maybe not jack shit, but my blood pressure and cholesterol were borderline high!  What the hell?!  I was so annoyed.  And what was more annoying were the people that got like insane numbers and then they were all, “what did you get?”  And I’m like, “Fuck off, at least I don’t look like my cholesterol is through the roof.”

I had no idea what I was even doing wrong.  Too many sweets?  Too much stress?  Yes to both of those.  My plan was to maybe take a chill pill every once in awhile and stop having such a type A personality (you’re welcome Rob) and…. here’s the best part…. are you ready?…. drink a glass of red wine everyday!  Woohoo!  I thought I could so do that last one.  I like forget to drink though. Apparently I need to spend more time around certain people that make me want to drink.

It may sound like I’m joking about all of this, but I was actually really stressed about it.  Which, I’m sure, was not helping my blood pressure at all.  I researched how to get my numbers down and every list I read was like check, check, check, check (that’s me checking off the items on the list).  I was even doing yoga for Christ’s sake!  Ok, you know what, I’m getting worked up again.

Anyway, I did change my diet and now I eat mostly vegan.  Don’t freak out… The stuff I make is actually really tasty!  I haven’t really missed anything.  And, if I do miss it, I have a little.  I haven’t been brave enough to check my cholesterol again but my blood pressure was like amazing at my doctor’s visit a couple of weeks ago!  So, I think I’ll keep it up.  Don’t be surprised if I serve you tofu and nutritional yeast if you’re invited to dinner.