Rob and I just got back from a totally spectacular trip to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. We’ve been to Mexico but never to Cabo, so we thought what the hell.  But quickly I was like, what the hell (in a different, much meaner tone) when our first flight was delayed out of Salt Lake.  You know, good old mechanical issues with the plane. Which, sadly for us, meant that we would be missing our flight out of Phoenix, delaying Cabo for a day.  Listen people, when I’m ready to go poolside, I’m ready to go poolside.  So at the US Airways Customer Service desk I was like, “Listen, I’m going to need you to book us at a hotel for the night that has a pool.”  Rob, who is much nicer than me, was like, “Whatever you can do would be great.”  Ummm no, not really.  First of all, your dumb ass plane caused me to delay my actual trip by one day.  Second, it’s 113 fucking degrees in Phoenix.  We got the pool.

We finally arrived at the Pueblo Bonito Pacifica; a gorgeous, serene resort right on the water a day later and immediately got in our swimming suits and went… yep, poolside!  At an all inclusive resort, you can order drinks at anytime from anywhere, so we also ordered a couple of margaritas to put us in the Mexican spirit. Unfortunately, this all went south when Rob ventured too far into Margaritaville.  Of course, he says his not feeling great can be attributed to what he calls a “combo.” Like, “I got a lot of sun and was dehydrated… Oh, and I had a couple of drinks.” Whatever the case, he recovered, but not with any help from me.  What?  I cannot have sympathy for someone who makes bad decisions.  Right?  Right.

The rest of our trip continued without a hitch. I mean we did get asked on one occasion how our nachos were when they hadn’t even been given to us (are you seeing a trend)?  Other than that, we sat by the pool, ate incredibly yummy food, went for long walks on the beach and were total bad asses on this ladder toss game. No seriously, we have skills.  Oh, and I got an 80 minute facial which is much more fun in Mexico, because the aesthetician’s english might not be so great and she may inform you that the exfoliant she is about to put on your face will feel “spicy.”  Who knew that something could feel spicy?

Sadly (really depressing, actually), all good things must come to an end.  And our exit was not pretty.  My motion sickness plus super shitty shuttle driving equals near vomiting.  Then, stick me on two different plane rides and things get ugly.  Let’s just say that I have never been so close to a public spew in my life.  You know when you’re mouth is salivating like a freaking fountain?  Yeah, that was me on the plane to Phoenix.  I can now say that God answers prayers because I did not vomit.

God let me down, however, when he placed the man with the worst case of B.O. EVER directly across from me.  Oh, but before he placed him across from me, he placed his ass on top of me.  You know when someone has to move for someone else to get down the aisle?  Well, smelly dude apparently didn’t notice that I was sitting where he decided to stand, placing his ass mere inches from my face.  Not good for my already ailing self.  I resorted to rubbing my lavender chap stick directly up my nostrils.

It wouldn’t be a good trip without adventures, right?