If you read the title of the blog and felt worried about my marriage, you can breathe a sigh of relief.  We’re not falling apart; our stuff is falling apart.  I mean we were almost falling apart when we remodeled our kitchen, but we got past that.  Now, we’re forking out big bucks to fix a bunch of shit.

First, our coffee machine, our $300 coffee machine, works intermittently.  The intermittence usually occurs at 6:00am when if you don’t get your cup of coffee within the first 5 minutes of waking up, you may start killing people.  It’s under warranty, but in order to get it fixed we would have to send it far, far away.  And then what?  Instant coffee?  Isn’t there a coffee repairman nearby that wants to fix it?  Ok, so we haven’t actually spent any money on the coffee maker yet, but we have spent time.  And time is money, right? Right.

The second thing that broke happens to be a very expensive thing.  You see, I like nice things.  There, I said it.  I do.  I like luxurious vacation getaways, adore all Pottery Barn furnishings and happen to love expensive-to-fix cars.  On Saturday my Volkswagen Touareg alarmed me with a triple beep on a short drive.  And honest to God, the beep (triple, remember) was so loud that I thought the car was telling me that death was imminent.  The tri-beep, as I refer to it now, was also accompanied by a message on the screen which read, Coolant Overheating.  Awesome.  We took it to our mechanics that work only on VW’s, Audis and BMW’s.  Unfortunately they said it was, “over their heads.”  Which meant…. (tears)…. we had to take it to the dealership.  Are you ready for this?  We needed a new thermostat.  Right, you’re thinking, But thermostats are like $20, maybe $80 on a VW.  True.  However, the thermostat in a Touareg is buried behind the timing belt and the water pump.  If you don’t know much about cars, just know that this is the stupidest fucking idea anyone ever had! Guess how much it cost me?  Higher.  $1,400!

Third, I was surprised when I went to put the laundry in the dryer and was greeted with clothes sitting in a pool of water.  The washing machine decided that it no longer wanted to operate the spin cycle.  Luckily, there is a repairman for washing machines. Unluckily (this can be a word if I say it’s a word), he charged us $250.

So, that’s what we’ve been doing with the oodles of extra cash we have lying around.  Oh wait, we don’t have oodles of cash lying around.  Dammit!

On the bright side, something we spent our money on recently that actually made me happy rather than on the verge of extreme violence was the Adele concert.  If you are not familiar with Adele, GET FAMILIAR!  She was absolutely amazing to watch live. What was not amazing to watch live was the nasty ass dude in front of us that was grinding his girlfriend all night.  Oh, and there may have been some anger about people walking all over our blanket all night.  No one was punched or anything though, so it’s all good!