Tag Archives: money

Money Maker

I had every intention of writing this post yesterday, but somewhere between the total starvation and raging headache, I forgot.  Ok, it’s not really that bad.  Rob and I are doing a 3 day juice cleanse, so I did get a bit of a headache and felt a little hungry yesterday late afternoon, but the truth is that I feel pretty good overall. Rob, on the other hand, said eating a shoe sounded good to him.  I’ll write about it more when it’s all said and done.

In other news, I’ve come up with a new money making venture.  The freelance thing has been slow for awhile now, so I’m looking into other ways to bring in some money.  This idea happens to be one I stole from the awesomely funny television show New Girl.  It’s just such a perfect fit!

In their apartment (on the show), they have what’s called an “annoying jar.”  Every time one of the roomies does something considered annoying by any of the other roomies, the annoying one has to put money in the jar.  You might be thinking, but she doesn’t even have roommates, so what good will this do?  I do have one roommate though; my husband.  And because I love him very much, I can tell you that he is the king of annoying.  Wait, let’s capitalize that; King of Annoying.  That’s better.

In just one evening at home I guarantee you I could make a shit ton of money. Like every time he makes one of his super annoying noises, that’s like $10 in the jar. More if he’s already been asked to stop making these obnoxious sounds.  It sounds weird, I know, but Rob likes to make high-pitched noises and make other loud outbursts on a regular basis.  For some reason it’s especially bad when we’re playing Word With Friends against each other, which we do almost daily.

Rob also likes to call me all kinds of nicknames that really aren’t that cute.  I mean yes, they are pretty comical, but if I can classify them as annoying, well, money! Some of the most common names he calls me:

Slip N’ Slide


Poop Pickle

Stink Biscuit

Smoke Screen

There are many more, but you get the idea.  Romantic, eh?  They are if they equal money in the jar!  Of course, I’m looking at other “job” options, but I think this could be very profitable.  Profitable, for me.  I guess Rob could end up poor.  Damn, I didn’t really think that through.

Falling Apart

If you read the title of the blog and felt worried about my marriage, you can breathe a sigh of relief.  We’re not falling apart; our stuff is falling apart.  I mean we were almost falling apart when we remodeled our kitchen, but we got past that.  Now, we’re forking out big bucks to fix a bunch of shit.

First, our coffee machine, our $300 coffee machine, works intermittently.  The intermittence usually occurs at 6:00am when if you don’t get your cup of coffee within the first 5 minutes of waking up, you may start killing people.  It’s under warranty, but in order to get it fixed we would have to send it far, far away.  And then what?  Instant coffee?  Isn’t there a coffee repairman nearby that wants to fix it?  Ok, so we haven’t actually spent any money on the coffee maker yet, but we have spent time.  And time is money, right? Right.

The second thing that broke happens to be a very expensive thing.  You see, I like nice things.  There, I said it.  I do.  I like luxurious vacation getaways, adore all Pottery Barn furnishings and happen to love expensive-to-fix cars.  On Saturday my Volkswagen Touareg alarmed me with a triple beep on a short drive.  And honest to God, the beep (triple, remember) was so loud that I thought the car was telling me that death was imminent.  The tri-beep, as I refer to it now, was also accompanied by a message on the screen which read, Coolant Overheating.  Awesome.  We took it to our mechanics that work only on VW’s, Audis and BMW’s.  Unfortunately they said it was, “over their heads.”  Which meant…. (tears)…. we had to take it to the dealership.  Are you ready for this?  We needed a new thermostat.  Right, you’re thinking, But thermostats are like $20, maybe $80 on a VW.  True.  However, the thermostat in a Touareg is buried behind the timing belt and the water pump.  If you don’t know much about cars, just know that this is the stupidest fucking idea anyone ever had! Guess how much it cost me?  Higher.  $1,400!

Third, I was surprised when I went to put the laundry in the dryer and was greeted with clothes sitting in a pool of water.  The washing machine decided that it no longer wanted to operate the spin cycle.  Luckily, there is a repairman for washing machines. Unluckily (this can be a word if I say it’s a word), he charged us $250.

So, that’s what we’ve been doing with the oodles of extra cash we have lying around.  Oh wait, we don’t have oodles of cash lying around.  Dammit!

On the bright side, something we spent our money on recently that actually made me happy rather than on the verge of extreme violence was the Adele concert.  If you are not familiar with Adele, GET FAMILIAR!  She was absolutely amazing to watch live. What was not amazing to watch live was the nasty ass dude in front of us that was grinding his girlfriend all night.  Oh, and there may have been some anger about people walking all over our blanket all night.  No one was punched or anything though, so it’s all good!