Don’t Say I Didn’t Warn You

I’m on top of things.  What I mean is I’m pretty good at knowing what is going on around me at all times.  Ok, I’m actually amazing at it.  So amazing that I typically know what’s going on with other people too.  Complete strangers, I’m talking.  No, not because I’m a snoop.  That might be a very small part of it, but the other part is simply that I’m very aware and intuitive.

I remind you of this innate ability to give myself some credibility when I say that something is about to go down.  I don’t know what that means exactly, but there have been a couple of signs today that suggest that 1) the world is about to end, 2) global warming is reminding us that it doesn’t mess around and we will pay (all weird weather can point to global warming, not just the warm kind) or 3) the birds are about to stage their attack.

It all started yesterday when I was at the nail salon getting a mani/pedi.  There’s this Vietnamese nail salon just down the road that I quite like, so I popped in as a means to help cure my winter blues and, of course, get my nails looking cute. Anyway, the owner dude is a chronic whistler.  Have you ever met one of these people?  I’m talking NONSTOP whistling.  It didn’t matter what song came on the radio; he could whistle it.  Pop, country, rap.  Yep, rap.  I’ve been to this place several times, so I’m familiar with his whistling addiction, but yesterday I sensed something a little darker behind it all.  The whistling was a bit more frantic, and I had the sense he knew something was about to go down.  There was a real negative energy.

Example number two comes today when we wake up to FREEZING RAIN.  What the fuck, Utah?  Listen, I know that lots of places deal with freezing rain, but it’s not really something we ever worry about here.  We deal with the smog, snow and cold but not the freezing rain.  Until today that is.

My final example is the birds.  You know what, I really don’t like birds.  And now that I’ve witnessed them “organizing” in my backyard, I am even more leery of them. For the past hour they have been squawking and flying frantically back and forth from tree to tree.  Oh, and dive bombing to the ground.  I’m not making this shit up. Jack even knows something is up and has spent the last 30 minutes out there chasing them and staring them down.  They are definitely up to something.

You can’t hide these signs from me, oh no.  That would work about as well as Rob trying to cover up his fart with a laugh.  Yes, he did this last night while we were sitting on the couch.  The thunderous shake underneath my ass was a dead giveaway though.  Anyway, when whatever is going to happen does in fact happen, don’t say I didn’t warn you.  I mean not that you could have done anything because I don’t know what it is, but you know what I’m saying.  Just give credit where credit is deserved.

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