So I’m walking through the aisles at Target the other day when a mom, dad and their daughter pass me. The girl was probably 7, I’m guessing, and as they pass she says to her parents, “Well, sometimes she calls me a bastard.” And, of course, I bust up laughing as the mom is like, “Whaaat?!” I’m assuming this is the first time she’s heard her daughter use such profanity. Maybe not, but she was clearly shocked, and I thought it was awesome.
I am aware that it’s not really a good thing when your child swears, but you have to admit that it’s hysterical. My baby sister, who is 10 years younger than me, swore all the time as a little kid. She even used the swear words in the appropriate context. At the wee age of about 2, she scolded me for taking a sip of her water by telling me, “You don’t dink my dink, you little bitch.” Yes, she couldn’t say drink correctly, but bitch she had down. Years later, when she clearly understood that swearing was not exactly a good thing for kids to do, I may or may not have put a bar of soap in her mouth. She still talks about it like I’m the worst person on the planet. Kid clearly needed to learn a lesson though.
I was not really one to be enforcing the whole no swearing thing, however. I swore like a sailor when I was a kid. I’m talking on a daily basis. My dad swore so much that every time I blurted out a profanity I would follow it with, “I’m just quoting my dad.” Somehow that made it perfectly ok. One New Year’s Eve I even made a resolution to stop swearing (I think I was like 9), and right at midnight I picked up my pots and pants and yelled, “Happy Fuckin’ New Year’s!” I am not lying.
Clearly I had a problem. I changed my ways after I met some wholesome kids around the age of 10 and decided I should clean up my act. I mean now I swear every fucking day, but you can do that when you’re an adult. Same with eating cake for dinner should you so choose.
What the fuck, Sonie?
I know, Neil!