Sometimes I let my Andrus (my mom’s side) anxiety hole up in my chest and stay for way too long. I start asking myself what my future holds and oh god, what if this company doesn’t hire me and do people think I’m a loser? I get caught up in the crazy talk in my head and it makes my heart beat fast and I wake up with a knot in my stomach, a knot which initially I don’t even know why I have until I remind myself that oh yeah, you have a lot to worry about! But then I realize that life is good and everything is going to be just fine. I mean yes, if I spend enough time thinking about the state of our country politically (not because of our President, people!) and all the hate people have, I will probably respond with, “We are so fucked,” but I do recognize that despite those things, my life kicks ass.
Like the other day my older sister and I got to take our grandparents to lunch. Our grandparents, who are on the doorstep of 90, yet are in generally great health and still have all of their teeth! We have this amazing privilege to spend time with these amazing people and their amazing teeth! They are genuine people who make me laugh and make me feel proud to be their granddaughter. And you know what my grandma did the day after our lunch? She called me on the phone to say “thanks again” and that they had such a great time. She told me that when you get older, these are the things that matter, these are the things you look forward to. That is what matter, people. Spending time with the people in your life. Yes, they may be crazy or neurotic or whatever else, but they are your people. And actually, it’s kind of better if they’re crazy or neurotic, because then you have material with which to write a book. I mean that’s what I’m planning to do. It’s a total win-win. They can’t be mad because you can be like, “Hey, with all the material you provided, I made a zillion dollars and I am totally going to take you to dinner with some of it!”
All of this “live everyday like it’s your last,” sounds cheesy, but I kind of like cheesy. I’m all about the cheese these days. I’m about telling people you think they’re pretty great and not holding grudges. Awwww, I’m growing up.