Tag Archives: Ellen

Predictive Text Fails

If you use predictive text, you know that it’s not always so predictable.  It tries its best, but sometimes its best isn’t good enough.  Ellen often showcases predictive text fails and they are effing hilarious.  There’s a whole website dedicated to these, and it makes me happy.

Rob’s predictive text is not doing its job at all.  Half the time I can’t even decipher what he’s really trying to say.  Personally I try to proofread my texts before I hit the send button, but Rob obviously doesn’t understand this concept.  Let me give you just a few examples of what he’s texted me in the last couple weeks.

Rob (texting me on a Saturday about playing with Jack): I played ball out back.  I’d their the balks on the roof and he would try and catch then when that can’t down.

Me: Your predictive text made that really hard to understand.

Rob: Oops.  Out basically said Jack and I are having fun.

New text series…

Rob: Hired your day?

Me:  What?

Rob:  Oops.  How’s your day?

Me:  Haha good.  Totally going to write a blog about your predictive text fails.

Rob:  Have you heard from Em?

Me:  No.  How come?

Rob:  Just sovereigns.  Getting a little worried.

Me:  Just sovereigns?  Dude, read back your texts.

One time we were babysitting for my sister overnight.  Stevie, our niece, woke up at 3:00am.  I went downstairs even though the nurse was still there because she was screaming at the top of her lungs, “AUNT SOOOONIE!”  Anyway, I had set an alarm on my phone for 4:55am to head down there when the nurse left but forgot to turn it off.  Rob couldn’t figure out how to turn it off and ended up calling my sister.  He quickly realized what he’d done so he hung up.  She texted my phone to see if everything was OK though.  Rob sent back a text that looked like it was written by a first grader.  Good lord!

Oh, and as I was typing up this blog, here’s what he sent me.

Rob: It’s margo and rita day so let’s mix in a catchall.

Me:  Huh?

Rob:  Margarita

I’m assuming catchall is cocktail?  Get it together man!

A Day in the Life

Do you ever wonder what a day in the life of someone else is like?  I hear about some people’s days and I want to kill myself.  In case you were curious (not that you were, but just in case), here is what my day today was like.  Of course, everyday is different depending on whether I have a trip, am on babysitting duty, etc.

3:15am (yeah, I’m starting it early):  Jack jumps onto our bed.  Normally, we don’t let him come up until our alarms go off, but the night before Rob called him up at 2:00am thinking it would help him sleep.  Uhhhh not a good habit.  He may only weigh 16 pounds, but he has this way of elongating his body which leaves me about two inches of bed to sleep on.  Anyway, I let him stay and am awake until after 4:00am because I can’t figure out how to get comfortable without squashing him.

6:00am: My alarm goes off.  No, I don’t have anywhere to be that early, but I like getting stuff done in the morning, having breakfast with Rob, etc.  Plus, I’m asleep by like 10:00pm, so I’ve had plenty of sleep by then.

6:15am: Rob and I hang in the office looking at emails, stalking people on Facebook, etc. while we drink our coffee.

6:40am: Whip up healthy breakfast smoothie in the Vitamix complete with spinach, kale, apple, banana, flax seeds and raw protein powder.

7:00am: Rob takes Jack for a walk while I clean up breakfast and get Jack’s food ready.  Remember, the little snob requires a small amount of wet food mixed with his dry food.

7:15am: Make bed, brush teeth and make a to-do list for the day.

8:00am: Rob leaves for work.  I do some training with Jack and then get my yoga bag ready.

8:45am: Leave for yoga.

8:55am: Arrive at yoga, practice yoga, rinse off after yoga and drive home from yoga.

11:10am: Kiss Jack a ridiculous amount of times when he greets me at the door, throw my nasty yoga clothes and towel into the laundry, spend some time with the cat (I know, it’s obvious I’m neglecting her).

11:30am: Eat lunch and guzzle water like there’s no tomorrow (remember all the sweating at yoga).

Noon: Spend some more time on the computer, clean the cat’s litter box, vacuum the basement, start a load of wash because I now have a couple of day’s worth of disgusting yoga clothes.

1:00pm: Dust upstairs, mop the kitchen floor and play with Jack for a bit in the backyard.

1:45pm: Take Jack for his afternoon walk.

2:10pm: Take a shower (yes, I procrastinated this today).

3:00pm: Sit down to watch Ellen and decide against it when I get embarrassed for an audience member.  Quick detour… Ellen plays this game called ‘Know or Go’ where people have to answer questions.  If they get them wrong, they fall through this hole.  (It’s really fun to watch most of the time).  Chick today was asked to list 5 words that mean the same thing as the word big.  She froze up completely and then she said, “Shawshank Redemption.”  What the fuck?

3:15pm: Mailman arrives.  I have been waiting for a check , so I rush out to the mailbox.  Check has arrived!

3:25pm: Drive to the bank and deposit said check.  Stop at the gas station to fill up my ginormous gas tank (ginormous… there’s another word for big, you idiot!).

3:45pm: Sit down to write this blog.

Obviously the day is not over.  I’m hoping it ends with a nice dinner date with my husband and some snuggle time as a family with Kitty and Jack.