laughter | Sonie's Blog

It’s a dark subject, I know, but I’ve been thinking about how people will remember me when I die. It was all brought on when Rob got some mild carbon monoxide poisoning over the weekend and I told him how happy I was that he didn’t die. And then I said, I hope I never have to think about this (at least not until he’s 100), but I would have so many nice things to say about him at his funeral. I mean it would be a really good speech.

So anyway, I was like, “Ummm what would you say about me?” He had some nice things to say about what a big heart I have and how I’m always there for my family and blah blah blah, but I really wanted him to be like, “She was the funniest person I’ve ever met.” Because to me, being funny is like the ultimate. Making people laugh is seriously one of the most rewarding things. Not everyone knows just how funny I am. I guess because I’m funniest with the people I’m most comfortable with. Which means my family probably gets that I’m effin’ hysterical. And Rob obviously agreed and was like, “Yes, I would definitely talk about how funny you were.” I’m still worried about the fact that he didn’t come up with this on his own though, ya know?

Bottom line is if you get asked to speak at my funeral, please, for the love of God, mention that I cracked people up now and again. I mean that is if you truly believe that. If you don’t believe that, turn down the speaking opportunity.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, but you know how good I am about blogging lately. Sorry for sucking. Please enjoy the dysfunction below.

Labor Day weekend marked my brother-in-law’s 40th birthday. Well, September 1, which happened to be Labor Day weekend marked his birthday, but whatever. You know what I mean. And listen, 40 is a big deal. I mean that’s what I hear anyway. It’s definitely reason for celebration, and even though Heath doesn’t necessarily like people or celebrations, we said screw you we’re doing it anyway. What, we’ll find any excuse for having a party. That and to eat way too much food.

I’ve mentioned the HOA before. Here and here. You’ve probably noticed that the HOA usually means the dysfunction gets amped up and weird shit happens. This HOA trip was no different. Things got started early, and when I say early I mean lunch time. And when I say “things,” I mean shots. While we enjoyed the carcass Armando (yell this name when you say it – Arrrrrrmaaaaaandooooo! – that’s how Rob would like you to do it) had grilled up (at least 5 carcasses, I’m sure), shots started being poured. Now some people are used to downing the shots, but some of us are lightweights. Like me. Listen, I drink a glass of wine once or twice a week at the most. Occasionally I have a couple of glasses of wine, but any more than that and I am like Ms. Chatty Cathy and things start to get a wee bit blurry. Sometimes, I have shots. Usually with my family, which is weird, but whatever.

Anyway, Heath was peer-pressuring all of us into drinking shot after shot, and hello, it was his birthday, so what choice did we have? None. After about the fourth or fifth one I told him we needed to pace ourselves. Heath agreed and said we should do a shot every hour. However, after 15 minutes had passed he asked if it was time yet. Obviously it wasn’t, but he decided it had been long enough. Naturally things took a turn.

The music started playing, people started dancing. No harm here, right? Wrong. Some people’s dance moves would be considered borderline dirty dancing. Again, maybe fine. However, when your children and nieces and nephews are witness to your dirty dancing moves, not so good. Wait, let me back up though. Before the music started the large group tried engaging in conversation. Engaging in conversation with most of these people even without alcohol is bound to be less than clean. Engage in conversation with alcohol and things like this get said.

Sherri: “Janis was the only responsible one last night. Her husband almost got laid by Becky.”

Becky: “What? Oh no, what did I do?”

Janis: “It’s OK. He’s a good lay.”

What?! Sorry Janis, I know I said I would make you look good, but you can’t expect me to leave quotes like this out.

Sadly the night ended with an accident on a four wheeler (no one was seriously injured) and everyone sobered up real quick. As bad as this all sounds though, I’ve never seen Heath have a bigger grin on his face. That, to me, is a successful 40th birthday bash.