Tag Archives: neighbors

Still Spying on the Neighbors

Is it obvious that I’m trying to write a blog everyday?  I’ve made this commitment before, so there’s no telling whether or not I’ll stick to it this time.  I’m trying though.  I really am.

As I write this, I’m watching my crazy neighbor across the street rock back and forth on the porch in her robe smoking a cig.  Remember her?  Yeah, she still hangs out in her robe all day.  Only now she has a new robe.  Another pink one, but it’s brighter than the other one and from what I can tell this one has hearts on it.  First of all, it’s weird to be hanging out in your robe all day and second, it’s 20 degrees!  Put some god damn clothes on already!

Oh, and the rocking back and forth.  I wish I could get close enough to shoot some video.  You would not believe the movement!  Honest to God, the woman does not stop rocking back and forth.  Ever!  I have never seen her stand still.  Never.  It must be a meth thing.  It’s not to stay warm because she does it in the summer too.

A couple of weeks ago Rob and I were hanging out in the living room when we spotted her out rocking by the garbage can.  Because we find this woman to be highly entertaining we continued to watch her for some time.  During which she pulled random things out of the garbage can all while rocking back and forth, smoking a cig and I believe eating a snack.  If this is what meth or whatever drugs she’s on do to you, bring your kids over to watch.  I mean I can’t imagine they would want to try any of that shit if they could witness first hand the kind of damage it does.  No one wants to have to sway back and forth like that on a continuous basis.  No one.

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Happenings in the Hood

So, remember my neighbors across the street?  Well, they continue to provide entertainment for me.  I still haven’t figured out if they’re all related/friends/halfway house, but I do know that the guy’s name is Dave.  Ok, I only know that because Rob told me, but still.  And Dave sells stuff.  He buys shit and then he sells it.  You know ebay style.  Oh, and yard sale style.  I am not kidding when I say that he had three yard sales in a row.  Yeah, that’s three Saturdays of yard sales!  Dude must drive a hard bargain.  Then, last weekend I could have sworn he was fixing to have another one.  He didn’t, but you should see the amount of stuff lined up on tables in their garage!  It’s like watching an episode of Hoarders when they group all of the items.

Oh, and speaking of Hoarders, I helped my sister clean my nephew’s room this week. Yeah, he’s only 9, but I’m pretty sure he might be a hoarder.  He’s a crafty little guy and digs making stuff out of tape, and I cannot tell you how many “tape” crafts I found jammed into drawers throughout his room.  I think we made sure all of them made their way to the trash.  Which I love, by the way.  I LOVE seeing things get clean. Cleaning stuff out and organizing makes my heart happy.

In fact, I just got rid of half my closet of clothes as well as Rob’s.  It’s like losing 10 pounds!  And now I have room for new clothes (hint hint Rob)!  Actually, he did buy me a few new things last weekend.  He went all Sugar Daddy on me, and although I like having things bought for me, I don’t like him throwing money at me in front of the cashier.  To use my Banana Republic reward, I had to use my store credit card. Rob wanted to pay, which is great, but give me the money later.  I mean we’re married for hell sakes!  What he did instead was pull a $100 bill from his wallet and toss it at me.  I seriously felt like a hooker.  I’m sure the lady helping us was thinking, I knew it.  I could tell these two weren’t close in age.  She is totally a gold digger!  Behold, there is no gold to dig for.  God I wish we could be in the same tax bracket as Mitt Romney.  That would be sweet.

We have no family money though, and I don’t think we started hustling early enough.  The kid that knocked on my door last week looking to make a buck (or 10) is on the right path.  Wait ’til you hear this…. 10 year old kid knocks on my door last week with a Papa Murphy’s coupon card in his hand and asks me if I want to buy it. He says something vague like, “Hey, do you want to buy this Papa Murphy’s card? You can get a pizza for $7.99 and stuff.”  I have a really hard time not giving money to kids going door-to-door, so I ask him if I can write a check or if he needs cash.  He tells me cash, so I follow up with asking him how much.  And his response lets me know he totally found this on the kitchen table at his house and is scamming me! He’s like, “Ummm should we say $10?  Is that good?”

Is that good?  Well, I don’t know.  Is it?  So I’m like, “Is this for school?”

And get a load of this…. He replies with, “No.  I’m just doing some fundraising on my own because I don’t have that much money.”

I was so proud of that kid in that moment.  Scam or not, dude has some balls!  I didn’t have any cash, so I told him to come back the next day, but I didn’t see him again.  If he comes to my door again though, I will totally give the kid $10.  That and a high five.