Tag Archives: Utah

You Know It’s Cold When…

Remember me mentioning that it’s been cold as shit in Utah?  Well, it’s still cold as shit.  It’s the big topic of discussion ’round this place lately.  And for good reason. The air sucks and we’re hitting record lows.  When the high temperature is a record low people start to get pissed.

I decided to put together a Top 10 list called “You Know It’s (stupid) Cold When…” Here’s what I’ve come up with.  Feel free to chime in with yours.

  1. People are talking about the weather not because they are trying to make small talk but because they are genuinely concerned (and pissed) about the arctic temps.
  2. You say out loud at least 15 times per day, “Oh my god, it’s cold.” Or any version of that phrase ranging from, “Do not go out there. It’s too cold” to “It’s fucking cold outside!”
  3. You warm up your car even when it’s been parked in the garage all night.
  4. Your animals, who generally love being outside, step out and look back at you like, “You’re fucking kidding me, right?  You expect me to poop in 6 degree weather?”
  5. Anytime you have to step outside for more than 10 seconds you sprint to do whatever it is you have to do.  Again, have to.  If you don’t have to go out, you won’t.
  6. You leave your coat on to eat dinner because you still haven’t warmed up enough after being outside for 30 seconds.
  7. You sleep in a hoodie, sweatpants and socks and that’s with the three extra blankets on your bed.
  8. Even the meteorologists have started voicing their opinion on the matter.  Instead of staying professional and giving the weather report matter-of-fact they’re like, “Well, it’s still miserable out there and will continue to be.  There’s just no good weather news to report, folks.”  Great.
  9. You heat up your microwave corn bag an average of 10 times per day.  Is this just me?  Ok, I do have a bit of an addiction to those things, but try one and you’ll see exactly why.
  10. You become obsessed with checking the temperature multiple times a day and then loudly let everyone know the current reading so that everyone can sigh and moan together.

I’m telling you, it sucks here right now.  Mexico anyone?

Advertisements

Say NO to the Birds!

We’re hoping to take a family vacation in a few months to celebrate Em’s college graduation.  Yes, I have a stepdaughter who is old enough to have graduated from college.  Can you even believe it?!  We’re very proud of her and thought a family getaway sounded like the right way to celebrate.  Hopefully we can make it all come together.  I’ve been looking at a ton of all-inclusive resorts in Mexico, Dominican Republic and anywhere else that sounds like an awesome diversion when winter is still raging in Utah.

Quick tangent – – I’m already feeling a little sick of winter and it’s just getting rolling. Ahhhhh!  A massive winter storm finally came through pushing out the unbreathable air (not even joking around about the air; people were calling it a health emergency).  So now we have clean air but the high temperature tomorrow is 17 degrees.  17, people.  I rest my case.

Anyway, back to the vacation.  I’ve looked at countless resorts and I would venture to say that at least half of them have one or more photos of those stupid little doves (is that what they are – doves?) they like to make out of towels and place on the bed or bath in the room.  And most of the time they add some rose petals to make it look super romantic.  Is it just me or are these towel doves incredibly cheesy and outdated?  It’s like as soon as I see those damn birds I question whether or not this is a good fit for us.  Immediately I’m like, oh shit, they make those birds at this place. 

I know what you’re thinking.  I sound ridiculous.  They are simply making these god awful towel displays because they think they look nice and welcoming.  It’s a valid piece of feedback though.  I mean just look at them.

How romantic?

How romantic?

Just Like a Trucker

I liken myself to a trucker lately.  Minus the sleeping in your rig part.  Oh, and I have yet to stop at any truck stops or show any serious butt crack (that I’m aware of). How stereotypical am I?  I can hear you all now, “NOT ALL TRUCKERS LET THEIR CRACK HANG OUT!”  I don’t mean to offend.

Seriously though.  All this driving is pretty nutty.  I never realized just how upsetting the word “recalculating” could be until I’d been driving for hours on the verge of what I like to call a pee emergency.  When she says that word (my GPS is female), I nearly have a fit.  Ok, I do have a fit.  And the words that come out of my mouth aren’t that nice.  Something like, “Hello, you told me to stay left!  The highway veered right.  Get your shit together lady!”  Although the recalculation usually loses me a total of one or two minutes, it’s still upsetting.

When I’m not driving I’m either in a Lowe’s store delivering the training or eating crap from some fast food place (trucker style, again).  And the trainings have all gone really well, but you would not believe the comments that come out of people’s mouths when I say I’m from Utah.  One guy was like, “Do you ride a horse?”  Huh? You mean to get around?  I simply replied, “No, I don’t ride any horses.”  Mind you, these are very small towns I’m in, not anything like Salt Lake.  You know, towns where they drive tractors around.  It probably didn’t help that I let them know it was Pioneer Day yesterday and then explained what that meant.  The looks on their faces said it all.  Whatever, I like Pioneer Day.

I visit two stores in South Carolina tomorrow and then I get to start my trek home. In a plane, thankfully, not a car.  What is it with what people lug onto planes these days, by the way?  I have seriously seen people carrying their full size pillow and blanket.  Have you been on an airplane, people?  There is hardly enough room for your ass let alone your entire bed set!  Sorry, I’m tired.

Aloha!

I’ve been traveling the last couple of weeks for work, and I think lack of sleep and recycled air have done me in.  So now I’m home and suffering with a sinus infection. My left cheek and head are pulsating with pain.  Good news is that I dragged my achy body to the doc’s yesterday and now have antibiotics to do some major bacteria ass kicking.

Even better news is that the sinus infection didn’t start until I got home.  I really would have been upset had it all started when I was in HAWAII.  Yes, Hawaii.  I know, it’s rough.  I’ve got to earn money somehow though, right?  Actually it’s usually pretty lonely when I travel (I prefer traveling with a buddy), but the people in Hawaii were so warm and welcoming.  I was lucky enough to extend my trip by a day, so I lounged in the sun and stared at the ocean.  I don’t think that view would ever get old.  As I was training my class, I had a stellar view and am very impressed that I was able to stay focused and not suddenly yell, “I can’t take it anymore, the beach is right there!”

Speaking of the training class, on the first break one of the participants asked me where in Utah I live.  He thought I looked really familiar, and then we realized we were in the same high school graduating class!  How random is that?  And how unfair is it that he lives in Kauai?!

Of course I was sad to leave such a beautiful place, but I definitely prefer being home with my family.  Plus, figuring out how to get in and out of airport bathrooms with luggage gets old fast.  Can someone please help airports redesign their bathroom stalls?  The following is a list of airport bathroom criteria:

1) The stall door must open outwards (try getting a suitcase in and out when it swings inward)

2) The stall must be large enough to accommodate 1 adult and up to 3 bags

3) Hooks must always be on doors for purses and laptop bags (no one wants to consider having to place their bag on the nasty floor)

There’s probably more, but I’ll stop.  Oh and for any of you traveling to Hawaii in the near future, WEAR SUNBLOCK!  I saw so many lobster-colored people and I wanted to yell, “Get the eff out of the sun!”  I like having color as much as the next person, but I prefer it to be closer to brown than bright pink.  Just sayin’.

Here is the view from my hotel room balcony.  Ahhhh.

Something’s Gotta Give

Have you ever seen this movie… “Something’s Gotta Give?”  If you haven’t, see it simply to drool over the beach house in it.  Seriously people, it really is beautiful and something I dream about owning on a daily basis.

That movie is totally not what this blog is about, however.  It just happens to have the same title.  Something does have to give in my life though.  And… I’m pretty sure I know what it is.  I’m just not quite ready to make the leap.  I know that everyone is busy, but I honestly feel like I could be working in some way every waking moment of the day and would still not be able to get it all done.  I feel as if my life requires every minute to be scheduled.  Like I’m saying, “Ok, I have exactly 1 hour to have fun.”  I most certainly don’t have time to wait in line at the drive thru at Chick-Fil-A.  Do you know how many people in Utah will wait in line though? I was driving past the other day at lunch and there were a crazy amount of cars lined up and I thought to myself, dude, people must really dig Chick-Fil-A.

Sorry, tangent.  I just find it fascinating how many people like that place.  I have managed some small getaways the last couple of weekends.  Yes, “scheduled” fun. Rob and I spent a night last weekend in Heber and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. We went on the coolest bike ride down farm roads with zero traffic and super cute animals.  I swear the air is fresher up there.  Not that it’s hard to find fresher air that what currently lingers over Salt Lake City.  Have you noticed the signs on the freeway warning of the bad air quality?  On Monday it would say, “Bad air quality Monday and Tuesday.  Drive less.”  Then, on Tuesday they would change it to “Bad air quality Tuesday and Wednesday…” etc., etc.  Finally, they must have been like fuck it, let’s just change it to “today.” Which is what it’s been ever since.

This past weekend was a camping trip at the HOA.  Remember the HOA?  That place is like a community on top of a mountain, which is very cool.  My mornings usually start with my adorable, yet rotten niece screaming at the top of her lungs, “Aunt Sooooonie!  Wake up!”  This is generally around 5:00am.  The day can end any number of ways.  Sometimes with handstands.  Sometimes with inappropriate comments around the fire.  This time it ended with men trying to climb a ladder, a ladder they were holding with their own two hands.  And one of them was like, “If you fall, it’s not like you’re falling that far.”  Uhhh right, except if you fall you also have a 10 foot ladder faling with you… possibly on you.

So, that’s where I’m at.  Stay tuned for some announcements hopefully in the near future.  If nothing else, I’ll check back in with some random thoughts.