Tag Archives: Travel


Last March I went to Paris for work.  This March?  Wyoming.  The truth is that I’m more comfortable here in Wyoming though.  I mean yes, Paris is amazing, but when you have very limited time to spend in a place, it’s better to be somewhere where every person you communicate with can understand you and you aren’t suffering from horrible jet lag.

Getting here took nearly as long as flying to Paris though.  I mean I flew DIRECT to Paris, people!  Yep, direct.  Which means my flight there was like 9 hours.  To get to Riverton, Wyoming I had to first fly to Denver.  Then, I sat in the Denver airport for almost 4 hours before I walked a block outside to the tiny charter plane that would take me to my final destination.  Quick tangent about the charter plane.  Holy scary! I knew it wasn’t going to be good when I saw the name of the airline; Great Lakes Airlines. That just sounds really small town, which is not really what I want when it comes to commercial airlines.  They also kept announcing that we should go to the bathroom before the flight (aka no lavatory on the plane).  My thought was confirmed when I saw the plane.  It seated a total of 16 people and was so loud that I’m pretty sure my hearing is permanently damaged.

Once seated the guy next to me proceeded to tell me a horror story about how the last time he was on one of these charter planes the cabin lost pressure, the air masks came down and everyone on board was pretty sure they would die.  Thanks dude.  How about next time you save your story telling for AFTER the flight?  Holy shit.

So my first stop in Wyoming was Riverton.  Never been before this trip, pretty sure I won’t ever go back.  But my second stop?  Jackson Hole!  Jackson Hole is rad.  I’ve been to Jackson a few times and I just like the vibe.  Plus, they’re having this crazy nice weather which happens to make me very happy because I have an entire day between trainings.  And nothing makes me happier than sunshine.

Tomorrow night I’m headed to a place enjoying a crazy amount of sunshine right now. Phoenix.  Unfortunately I’ll be inside all day wishing I was outside getting my tan on. Oh well, probably better because of that whole skin cancer thing.

Going Out with a Bang!

Well, let’s just say that week four of my crazy work trips turned out to be a doozy.  I did go out with a bang though.  Ok, it was more like a CRASH!  Yeah crash as in the sound you hear when someone slams into you going 45 mph (this is a guesstimate). More on that later though.

My week started in New York Monday.  I flew into JFK, landing at midnight.  My first session was scheduled for 9:00am Tuesday in Danbury, Connecticut, so the driver had to pick me up from the airport and drive me 70 miles (rental car places were closed, and I had no desire to drive out of JFK anyway… have you been there?!).  I was already prepared to be training and driving on Tuesday on very little sleep.  I wasn’t planning on monitoring my driver the entire way to the hotel because he WAS FALLING ASLEEP!  The dude’s job is to drive people around and he’s falling asleep at the wheel?!  It’s a damn good thing that I’m Captain Over-prepared/Hyper-aware/Nervous Nelly.  I mean yes, it was very late, but your job is to stay awake at the wheel!  Instead the dude kept squinting and then closing one eye and then his blinks became WAY too long.  So, I started coughing and sniffing really loudly while I watched his eyes like a hawk in the mirror.  When that didn’t seem to be having much affect, I point blank asked him if he was staying awake and his response (you will not believe this) was, “I’m trying to.”  You’re trying to?  This is not at all the response I was hoping for.

I offered to let him pull off and get some coffee or 7 Red Bulls.  He didn’t, which caused me to have to make loud noises and ask stupid questions to keep him awake until we arrived at my hotel at 1:40am.  I have no idea how the guy made it back to New York City.  He really needs to figure out how to stay awake though.  That or get a new job.  Gees!

So I survived the drive to Connecticut and had a cab take me the next morning to pick up my rental car.  I ended up with a small SUV (Ford Escape), because it was all they had other than some massive Cadillac or an Explorer (way too big for driving so much). The drives on Tuesday went off without a hitch and I was totally digging the car.  Who doesn’t love rocking out to the 80’s and 90’s on Sirius radio?

My luck ran out on Wednesday.  I was driving from California, Maryland to Reagan National Airport to catch a flight to Mississippi for my final two training sessions. About 20 minutes from the airport, some old guy slammed into the back of me at a light.  And listen, this wasn’t like a little bump.  The speed limit on the road was 55, but there are stoplights every couple of miles.  I had just stopped at the light behind a row of cars when I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw a car hauling ass towards me.  At that point there was nothing I could do but brace myself for the hit. Thank God I was in that vehicle instead of some hatchback car.  I really don’t think I would have fared so well.  The car that hit me was totaled and my car basically lost the back bumper.

Of course my first thought was, shit, I’m in a rental car!  I never pay for the loss/damage control, so I immediately panicked.  I think I’ll be OK since it wasn’t my fault and there were several witnesses, but it’s the last thing I want to deal with.  I have no idea what was going through the old guy’s mind.  Clearly he had no intention of stopping.  And although it’s not a funny situation at all, I almost laughed out loud when I saw the paramedics pull a fake leg from his car!  The driver had two fake legs!!  Not like high-tech prosthetics but old school fake legs.  Seriously?

I don’t think he or his friend were seriously hurt, but both of them were put into neck braces and taken into the ambulance.  I opted not to be checked out, because I felt fine.  Today I’m pretty sore, but I honestly think I’m fine.  And I’m home now.  A huge shout out to Rob Cordova for being there and driving 6 hours to cover my stores in Mississippi so that I could go home a day early!

I made it to the end of this insane travel schedule.  And other than the horrible car accident, things went really smoothly.  Here are some stats to impress the shit out of all of you.  That or make you cry:

  • Miles flown: 14,245
  • Number of planes: 15
  • Miles driven: 2,751
  • Hotels slept in: 11
  • Number of rental cars: 4
  • Number of car accidents in rental car: 1
  • How long it took me to calculate all this: TOO LONG

Next up is Switzerland!  Until then, I’m going to sit back, relax and do a whole lot of nothing.

What’s in Your Suitcase?

So last week I stayed at a very swanky hotel in New York City.  I stayed there meaning I rolled in about 10:30pm, ate a VERY late dinner and went to bed.  And this place was swanksville.  Like instead of kickin’ it old school with the ‘do not disturb’ paper signs, they had buttons inside the room that when pushed turned on an indicator light outside the room.  Also, the robes were animal print, not your standard white.  Swanky, I know.

Anyway, I’ve seen a number of hotels offer things that guests may have forgotten, such as a toothbrush.  Check out the third item on this list though.  Since when do people take their coffeemakers on trips?  Am I out of the loop or something?  I mean I like my coffeemaker and all, but I’ll stick with the hotel’s brew or Starbucks. Gees!

Oh thank God! I knew I’d forget something.

The Travel Log Begins

So my insane travel schedule is set to commence in 2 weeks.  However, I am traveling next week (vacation) and I traveled last week (work).  And even a short trip like the one I had last week can really take it out of you.  Especially when you’re traveling to New York City.  Listen, I am not knocking the melting pot.  I get why people love the buzz of a big city.  Personally, however, I want no part of it.  When you jam 7 million people into like 11 square miles or something (I’m probably making this up, but you get the point), it’s bound to get ugly.  I mean it should not take 60-90 minutes to travel 14 miles!  And flying in or out of JFK is kind of a joke. The flight there went fine, but then I had to get a cab.  Uhhh yeah there were roughly 200 people in line in front of me looking to do the exact same thing.  Who knew?!  On the flight home we were delayed by over an hour.  After about 40 minutes of sitting on the runway, the pilot was like, “Hey folks, sorry for the delay. It’s a busy time of night.  Look like we’re number 20 for takeoff.”  Number 20?!  You mean there are 20 planes in front of us?  20 fucking planes?  Sorry, just a little dialogue that took place in my head.

Oh, and just a note to all the flight attendants out there:  Don’t turn on the intercom until you know exactly what you plan to have come out of your mouth. Before the flight took off from SLC, the flight attendant announced (quite casually, I might add), “Could we please have whoever left the infant…”  And then there was like this really long pause which gave me time to think, oh my god, people are just leaving their infants on the jetway now? Of course she finished with, “carrier.  Please come and get it from the jetway.” Phew!


I’ve been traveling the last couple of weeks for work, and I think lack of sleep and recycled air have done me in.  So now I’m home and suffering with a sinus infection. My left cheek and head are pulsating with pain.  Good news is that I dragged my achy body to the doc’s yesterday and now have antibiotics to do some major bacteria ass kicking.

Even better news is that the sinus infection didn’t start until I got home.  I really would have been upset had it all started when I was in HAWAII.  Yes, Hawaii.  I know, it’s rough.  I’ve got to earn money somehow though, right?  Actually it’s usually pretty lonely when I travel (I prefer traveling with a buddy), but the people in Hawaii were so warm and welcoming.  I was lucky enough to extend my trip by a day, so I lounged in the sun and stared at the ocean.  I don’t think that view would ever get old.  As I was training my class, I had a stellar view and am very impressed that I was able to stay focused and not suddenly yell, “I can’t take it anymore, the beach is right there!”

Speaking of the training class, on the first break one of the participants asked me where in Utah I live.  He thought I looked really familiar, and then we realized we were in the same high school graduating class!  How random is that?  And how unfair is it that he lives in Kauai?!

Of course I was sad to leave such a beautiful place, but I definitely prefer being home with my family.  Plus, figuring out how to get in and out of airport bathrooms with luggage gets old fast.  Can someone please help airports redesign their bathroom stalls?  The following is a list of airport bathroom criteria:

1) The stall door must open outwards (try getting a suitcase in and out when it swings inward)

2) The stall must be large enough to accommodate 1 adult and up to 3 bags

3) Hooks must always be on doors for purses and laptop bags (no one wants to consider having to place their bag on the nasty floor)

There’s probably more, but I’ll stop.  Oh and for any of you traveling to Hawaii in the near future, WEAR SUNBLOCK!  I saw so many lobster-colored people and I wanted to yell, “Get the eff out of the sun!”  I like having color as much as the next person, but I prefer it to be closer to brown than bright pink.  Just sayin’.

Here is the view from my hotel room balcony.  Ahhhh.