The Things You Do for Love

Remember that guy I’ve mentioned before named Rob?  You know, my husband of seven and a half years who farts so loudly in the middle of the night that he wakes himself up?  Yeah, that one.  Well, he continues to entertain me in ways that some might not find entertaining.  In fact, some might find them downright disgusting. Tell me which side of the fence you’re on.

First, he has this really bad habit of wearing his leather watch band while he’s riding the spin bike.  Listen, the dude sweats when he rides the bike.  And, in case you didn’t know and don’t want to try figuring it out on your own, sweat on leather smells like pure ass.  In other words, it’s a very bad combo.  What’s super nasty (and annoying) about the whole thing is that he does it over and over and over and over (and over) again.  And every time he’s like, “Uh oh, you’re going to be mad.  I left my watch on again.”  Then, he asks me to smell it.

After I refuse to smell it, he tells me like a hundred times how bad it stinks.  Then, he decides he’s going to try washing the smell out.  Ok, that’s good.  Not good? Using his foot brush to wash it.  His foot brush is the one he uses to clean his fungus toenails.  I mean he has pretty much cleared up the fungus with the anti-fungal ointment, but this still seems like a bad idea.  I try not to even comment anymore when he comes out of the bathroom and announces, “I cleaned my watch with the foot brush.”

Remember, this is a man who is beyond talented.  He has like 12 Emmy’s to his name, rides a unicycle and plays the guitar.  Yet, he CAN’T REMEMBER TO TAKE HIS GOD DAMN WATCH OFF!  Sorry, a little outburst.  Oh, and the other week I saw something on the desk, the desk where he sits everyday.  I thought maybe it was just a crumb of something, so I picked it up.  That was when I realized it was not a crumb but a booger.  Yep, a rolled up booger.  Listen, everyone rolls and then flips their boogers.  Don’t deny it. Most of us flip them into the garbage or at least onto the floor though!  For hell sakes, follow through and make sure your booger is out of site!

So, this is what I deal with on a daily basis.  Obviously, I love him.

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