Tag Archives: Salt Lake

Just Like a Trucker

I liken myself to a trucker lately.  Minus the sleeping in your rig part.  Oh, and I have yet to stop at any truck stops or show any serious butt crack (that I’m aware of). How stereotypical am I?  I can hear you all now, “NOT ALL TRUCKERS LET THEIR CRACK HANG OUT!”  I don’t mean to offend.

Seriously though.  All this driving is pretty nutty.  I never realized just how upsetting the word “recalculating” could be until I’d been driving for hours on the verge of what I like to call a pee emergency.  When she says that word (my GPS is female), I nearly have a fit.  Ok, I do have a fit.  And the words that come out of my mouth aren’t that nice.  Something like, “Hello, you told me to stay left!  The highway veered right.  Get your shit together lady!”  Although the recalculation usually loses me a total of one or two minutes, it’s still upsetting.

When I’m not driving I’m either in a Lowe’s store delivering the training or eating crap from some fast food place (trucker style, again).  And the trainings have all gone really well, but you would not believe the comments that come out of people’s mouths when I say I’m from Utah.  One guy was like, “Do you ride a horse?”  Huh? You mean to get around?  I simply replied, “No, I don’t ride any horses.”  Mind you, these are very small towns I’m in, not anything like Salt Lake.  You know, towns where they drive tractors around.  It probably didn’t help that I let them know it was Pioneer Day yesterday and then explained what that meant.  The looks on their faces said it all.  Whatever, I like Pioneer Day.

I visit two stores in South Carolina tomorrow and then I get to start my trek home. In a plane, thankfully, not a car.  What is it with what people lug onto planes these days, by the way?  I have seriously seen people carrying their full size pillow and blanket.  Have you been on an airplane, people?  There is hardly enough room for your ass let alone your entire bed set!  Sorry, I’m tired.

Jet Lagged – Part 1

After having been from Salt Lake to DC, DC to Salt Lake, Salt Lake to Paris, Paris to Detroit and Detroit to Salt Lake, I have no fucking clue what day or time it is.  Ok, that’s not true.  Salt Lake and DC only have a two hour time difference, but then you add in Daylight Savings and my clock starts to get out of whack.  Add lots of stress and then a quick trip to Paris (seven hour time difference) and it gets ugly. Here’s a sort of play-by-play of the first leg.

Washington DC –

Tuesday, March 7th 9:30am: Fly direct to DC.  Smooth plane ride with the exception of the rotten smelling man sitting directly behind me.  I mean rotten!  It was a mixture of stale cigarettes and pee.

After finding something to smash my nose into I decided I would try to take a little nap (thanks to my husband for the great neck pillow!).  Nap did not happen because rotten dude was obviously having some sort of nicotine fit and kicked my chair repeatedly as he did God knows what.  Wait a second… Why do I always sit by the smelly people?

I was lucky enough to have the seat next to me empty.  I was sitting by the window, however, and the girl on the aisle seat had me climb over her both times I had to get out to pee.  It was very awkward.

4:00pm arrival into Washington DC: Grab a taxi with one of my cohorts and head to the Gaylord National Convention Center/Hotel.  Yes, it’s really called the Gaylord.

4:30pm: Check into hotel.  Make video of self to send to Rob so he can show Jack. You know, “Hi Jack!  Mom misses you!  I love you!”   What?  I don’t want him to forget me.  By the way, Rob said he totally watched it and loved it.  I knew he would.

6:00pm: Meet up with fellow facilitators and CEO to do a “dry run” of the training course.

7:30pm: Meet in one of the many hotel restaurants for dinner.  The Gaylord is seriously its own city!

8:30pm: Head back to room for another practice of the training material by myself, a shower, some reading and an attempt at a full night’s sleep.

Ok, this whole hour-by-hour thing is getting lame.  Let’s do this….

Wednesday, March 8th:

Breakfast, set-up training rooms, watch CEO give keynote, lunch, train 3 hour training session, meet up for debrief and birthday celebration for cohort, retire to rooms to change and recoup, meet up for drinks and stay up way too late talking.

Thursday, March 9th:

Wake up at the butt crack of dawn to catch a taxi to the airport.  Fly home on a miniature plane, which ends up having a broken seat.  Delta sends maintenance dude in to fix the broken seat, delaying us.  When we arrive at JFK (connecting flight), we have to walk down precarious steps rather than a jetway and then through a series of tunnels before arriving in the airport.  The whole time I’m wondering why in the hell my flight cost $700?!

Made connecting flight which took me safely home where I was greeted by the world’s cutest dog.

This trip home was very short lived.  Stay tuned for Part 2 where I am awake for 24 straight hours, am nearly detained at passport check and have to endure a major tweaker seated right behind me for an 8.5 hour flight.