Last March I went to Paris for work. This March? Wyoming. The truth is that I’m more comfortable here in Wyoming though. I mean yes, Paris is amazing, but when you have very limited time to spend in a place, it’s better to be somewhere where every person you communicate with can understand you and you aren’t suffering from horrible jet lag.
Getting here took nearly as long as flying to Paris though. I mean I flew DIRECT to Paris, people! Yep, direct. Which means my flight there was like 9 hours. To get to Riverton, Wyoming I had to first fly to Denver. Then, I sat in the Denver airport for almost 4 hours before I walked a block outside to the tiny charter plane that would take me to my final destination. Quick tangent about the charter plane. Holy scary! I knew it wasn’t going to be good when I saw the name of the airline; Great Lakes Airlines. That just sounds really small town, which is not really what I want when it comes to commercial airlines. They also kept announcing that we should go to the bathroom before the flight (aka no lavatory on the plane). My thought was confirmed when I saw the plane. It seated a total of 16 people and was so loud that I’m pretty sure my hearing is permanently damaged.
Once seated the guy next to me proceeded to tell me a horror story about how the last time he was on one of these charter planes the cabin lost pressure, the air masks came down and everyone on board was pretty sure they would die. Thanks dude. How about next time you save your story telling for AFTER the flight? Holy shit.
So my first stop in Wyoming was Riverton. Never been before this trip, pretty sure I won’t ever go back. But my second stop? Jackson Hole! Jackson Hole is rad. I’ve been to Jackson a few times and I just like the vibe. Plus, they’re having this crazy nice weather which happens to make me very happy because I have an entire day between trainings. And nothing makes me happier than sunshine.
Tomorrow night I’m headed to a place enjoying a crazy amount of sunshine right now. Phoenix. Unfortunately I’ll be inside all day wishing I was outside getting my tan on. Oh well, probably better because of that whole skin cancer thing.
I liken myself to a trucker lately. Minus the sleeping in your rig part. Oh, and I have yet to stop at any truck stops or show any serious butt crack (that I’m aware of). How stereotypical am I? I can hear you all now, “NOT ALL TRUCKERS LET THEIR CRACK HANG OUT!” I don’t mean to offend.
Seriously though. All this driving is pretty nutty. I never realized just how upsetting the word “recalculating” could be until I’d been driving for hours on the verge of what I like to call a pee emergency. When she says that word (my GPS is female), I nearly have a fit. Ok, I do have a fit. And the words that come out of my mouth aren’t that nice. Something like, “Hello, you told me to stay left! The highway veered right. Get your shit together lady!” Although the recalculation usually loses me a total of one or two minutes, it’s still upsetting.
When I’m not driving I’m either in a Lowe’s store delivering the training or eating crap from some fast food place (trucker style, again). And the trainings have all gone really well, but you would not believe the comments that come out of people’s mouths when I say I’m from Utah. One guy was like, “Do you ride a horse?” Huh? You mean to get around? I simply replied, “No, I don’t ride any horses.” Mind you, these are very small towns I’m in, not anything like Salt Lake. You know, towns where they drive tractors around. It probably didn’t help that I let them know it was Pioneer Day yesterday and then explained what that meant. The looks on their faces said it all. Whatever, I like Pioneer Day.
I visit two stores in South Carolina tomorrow and then I get to start my trek home. In a plane, thankfully, not a car. What is it with what people lug onto planes these days, by the way? I have seriously seen people carrying their full size pillow and blanket. Have you been on an airplane, people? There is hardly enough room for your ass let alone your entire bed set! Sorry, I’m tired.
So my insane travel schedule is set to commence in 2 weeks. However, I am traveling next week (vacation) and I traveled last week (work). And even a short trip like the one I had last week can really take it out of you. Especially when you’re traveling to New York City. Listen, I am not knocking the melting pot. I get why people love the buzz of a big city. Personally, however, I want no part of it. When you jam 7 million people into like 11 square miles or something (I’m probably making this up, but you get the point), it’s bound to get ugly. I mean it should not take 60-90 minutes to travel 14 miles! And flying in or out of JFK is kind of a joke. The flight there went fine, but then I had to get a cab. Uhhh yeah there were roughly 200 people in line in front of me looking to do the exact same thing. Who knew?! On the flight home we were delayed by over an hour. After about 40 minutes of sitting on the runway, the pilot was like, “Hey folks, sorry for the delay. It’s a busy time of night. Look like we’re number 20 for takeoff.” Number 20?! You mean there are 20 planes in front of us? 20 fucking planes? Sorry, just a little dialogue that took place in my head.
Oh, and just a note to all the flight attendants out there: Don’t turn on the intercom until you know exactly what you plan to have come out of your mouth. Before the flight took off from SLC, the flight attendant announced (quite casually, I might add), “Could we please have whoever left the infant…” And then there was like this really long pause which gave me time to think, oh my god, people are just leaving their infants on the jetway now? Of course she finished with, “carrier. Please come and get it from the jetway.” Phew!