Tag Archives: family

Why Isn’t Someone Taping This?!

So I’m a shitty blogger lately.  There, I said it.  I just haven’t been inspired to write, I suppose.  Maybe my life’s too boring?  Or maybe I just haven’t been keeping track of all the weird things that I observe in any given day.  Whatever the reason, I need to get my shit together. My brother got me this great book on writing for my birthday in March and the biggest tip to becoming a better writer is simply DO IT!  So, I’m doing it.

The last thing I wrote about was my (yet to be announced) brilliant idea of how we’re going to survive in this god forsaken world.  I still have no concrete plan, but don’t give up on me.  Some things are in the works.  If I can ever get my husband, whom I rarely see anymore, to stop working, stuff is going to happen.  And until that stuff happens, I’ll enjoy the other stuff that goes on around me.

Like yesterday, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my fam for Mother’s Day. This is pretty much the only day of the year that we can talk my older sister into doing a shot. And seeing her do a shot is great entertainment.  Usually because part of it ends up coming out of her mouth as a slow drool.  Equally as entertaining is her husband that is, for some odd reason, obsessed with talking about marijuana. Which is strange considering he’s only smoked it once and had a terrible reaction that left him feeling like he was walking on the moon (his words, not mine).  Despite being “messed up” from this one pot smoking experience, he talks about it constantly.  As in, “does this dessert have marijuana in it?”  By the way, the dessert was not brownies.

Nearly every single time my family gets together I wonder why in the hell there aren’t cameras rolling.  We would make AMAZING reality television.  I’m telling you; it’s good material almost all the time.  The character lineup is unreal.  We have rednecks, people that talk to themselves, children that are beyond difficult, martyrs, negative nellies and so so much more.

I think soon I’ll have to post some video of just how hilarious we are.  So don’t give up on my blog just yet.  There are epic posts to come.

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Success!

So the trip was a huge success.  I’m talking fits of laughter, clapping and cheering and spontaneous dancing in the kitchen.  We ate amazing food (if I do say so myself), played in the snow, watched Christmas movies, colored, read, decorated cookies, soaked in the hot tub and just really enjoyed each other’s company.  Even Heath had a rockin’ good time day two after we introduced him to Fireball Whiskey. He was feeling so good he threw my sister in the hot tub with all of her clothes on. After threatening to do the same to Rob, Rob voluntarily got in the with him.  I later learned they set up some sort of obstacle course in which they would roll in the snow three times, run to a tree and then run back into the hot tub.  I’m pretty sure the neighbors were thoroughly entertained by us.  That or really scared.

I know this is going to sound really sappy, but there were moments when I felt overwhelming love for my family.  I’m serious.  I really like being with these people. We have our issues and don’t always see eye to eye, but everyone came together for this trip.  And I’m serious when I say that spending a holiday weekend with my family was the best gift I’ve ever received.  We’re strange and some of us (Dylan) decapitate gingerbread men and turn the gingerbread house into a zombie house while others of us wear our pants pulled up to our boobs (Heath), but we’re funny as shit and know how to have a good time.

Here are some pics Rob took that capture the moments perfectly.  Not that you want to see a family slideshow, but, well, too bad.

Dylan romping in the snow

Dylan romping in the snow

Stevie braving the elements

Stevie braving the elements

Mom of the Century

Mom of the Century



Surprise attack!  Jess is going in the hot tub clothes and all.

Surprise attack! Jess is going in the hot tub clothes and all.

The cooks in the kitchen!

The cooks in the kitchen!

Proof of the pants

Proof of the pants

My dad is stoked about something and the gift isn't even open yet!

My dad is stoked about something and the gift isn’t even open yet!

Mom and Dyl; best buds

Mom and Dyl; best buds

My bro is too cool for words

My bro is too cool for words

Em getting her sled on!

Em getting her sled on!

Cookie decorating!

Cookie decorating!

How's that for happy?

How’s that for happy?

The photographer actually made it in a shot.

The photographer actually made it in a shot.

Family Togetherness

I know, I know, I haven’t blogged in FOREVER!  I have no idea what’s wrong with me.  I mean I have been busy with holiday stuff.  I’ve been shopping, wrapping, decorating, baking, buying way too much food (I get really excited about comfort, holiday meals) and making endless lists of things that I must not forget to do before this coming weekend.

This coming weekend my family (siblings, parents, spouses, kids) and I are headed to a luxurious getaway home in Deer Valley.  Which means that I have to have everything ready for Christmas by Friday so that when we return on Christmas Eve we don’t have to venture out with the hoards of procrastinators.

Anyway, back to the getaway.  Months ago I had this great idea of spending a couple of days at a snowy Christmas cabin or condo.  Not too far from home, not too close. Enough room for everyone.  A kitchen to cook amazing food in.  Ummm yeah I have high hopes.  Doesn’t it just sound so Christmasy though?!  And expensive. Lucky for us my brother-in-law has clients with lots of money.  And this money translates to second homes in Deer Valley that they are willing to let us stay at for FREE!  Who are these people, right?  I don’t even know them and I love them.

The first place we were supposed to stay at ended up flooding, so Heath (my bro-in-law) was like, “Hmmm who else do I know that has a place up there?”  And then he randomly called some client and asked if we could stay at her place.  He is so brave. She said yes even though they don’t even rent the place out.  Again, who are these people?

So, we’re heading up with the whole gang for a couple of nights to pretend like it’s our place and live the life of luxury.  I know it won’t be perfect.  That’s why we’re bringing a lot of alcohol.  How else do you think we’re going to make it two and half days under the same roof?

If I don’t make it back to the blog before then.  Who am I kidding?  I won’t.  Happy Christmas to all of you!  I hope that this holiday season is filled with love and togetherness (and Xanax if that helps take the edge off).

Reflection

I’m in kind of a reflective mood lately.  Maybe it’s the time of year, maybe it’s the doings of my therapist (yes, I have one) or maybe I’m just getting old.  Whatever the reason, I’m happy about it.  In fact, I want to actively spend more time reflecting.  It doesn’t always need to be about something big.  Small things matter too, people. So, I’ve been reflecting on the last couple of weeks and I’ve come up with my “learning list.”

Bowel movements make everyone feel better –

In this case I’m referring to my dog’s bowel movements, but I do think (and know thanks to Dr. Oz) that they are important for everyone.  Jack managed to get one of his toenails ripped off last Sunday, which has turned him into a total gimp.  Before we took him to the vet to get him hooked up with some pain meds, the poor little dude didn’t want to do much of anything.  Which meant no walks.  Walks are when Jack poops, so no walks meant no pooping.  We tried and tried to get him to just go in the backyard but he would just stare at us and eventually sit down in the snow. On Tuesday he basically pulled Rob out the door to walk, and thank God, because he took a massive dump.  A dump which we celebrated.

Spending time with someone you love is therapeutic – 

My sister, Jessica, has the most challenging life of anyone I know.  Having a sick child with difficult behavior issues (this is an understatement) requiring 24-hour supervision would send most people to the nuthouse immediately.  Not Jess.  Nope. She’s a warrior.  And despite her crazy life, she manages to listen to my problems, support me and make me smile.

Playing and laughing with my nephew brings incredible joy –

Dylan, my 9-year-old nephew, and I don’t get to spend a lot of time together.  When I’m at their house, I’m usually watching his sister (the one requiring 24-hour supervision).  That and he doesn’t like me telling him what to do, so we clash a lot of the time.  Last week my sister had an appointment and Stevie was asleep, so Dylan and I actually got to play.  And it was so fun!  I always have stories to tell after I hang with Dyl.  This time he told me about a deaf kid in his gymnastics class, so I was like, “Oh, that’s cool.  Maybe you can learn some sign language.”  Dylan responded by telling me that he already does sign language to the kid and then proceeded to flash me some gang sign to prove it.  Pure awesome right there.

So there you have it.  Don’t worry, these sappy posts won’t continue.  I’ve got plenty of negative, sarcastic script just waiting to be written.

Putting the Fun in Dysfunction

My family is extremely dysfunctional.  I’m talking drugs, depression and a bunch of other stuff I’m hoping one day I can write about without people yelling at me.  Our dysfunction is nothing we’re too ashamed to openly talk about though.  My siblings and I  can be found at family gatherings talking about things that occurred in our childhood that others have only heard about on news stories and Lifetime movies. At the end of the day though, we all love each other.  And we’ve worked through the trials.  Not that they’re over or anything.  Oh no, they are not over.

I love getting together with these people because we make each other laugh.  And even when my brother-in-law is making mixed drinks for my Mormon grandpa and my mom is sighing loudly for the millionth time, we’re all still (usually) smiling.  No, it’s not because we’re all drunk.  Usually only a couple of people are drunk.  The rest of us are just happy to be there; sharing stories, laughing and spending time together.

Here we all (minus my little sister) are last night at our annual pumpkin carving event.  Is everyone looking at the camera?  No.  Is someone (Mom!) hiding?  Yes. Does my nephew Dylan have a pumpkin on his head?  Of course he does!

Happy Birthday Stevie!

Remember my really adorable (sometimes rotten) niece?  Well, last Saturday she turned another year older.  And you know what, when a kid with so many health issues hits another milestone like the ripe ol’ age of 7, we have to celebrate.  Here’s a picture of her at her party.  I know she might not look 7 (teeny tiny), but isn’t she freaking cute?!

Stevie turns 7!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After cupcakes and presents we headed for a haunted house.  I know you might be thinking, Isn’t this kid too little for a haunted  house?  And the answer is no.  She is really into (obsessed, perhaps)  being scared.  Most of the time it’s nearly impossible to actually scare her, but we know she enjoys all things spooky.  So, off to Nightmare on 13th Street we went.  Listen, I was pretty nervous.  I’m the person in the haunted house crouched down in a corner hoping the dude with the chainsaw will give up at some point.  I’ll do just about anything for Stevie though, so I sucked it up.  And holy shit, what a blast!  It was so fun going with such a big group.  I almost didn’t mind the weird smells throughout (cat pee?!) and wet “body bags” that you couldn’t avoid.

Thanks to my sister for treating us all to such a fun night!

My Boys

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love these guys.  It’s as simple as that.  They are two of my favorite people (ok, one is a dog) to spend time with.  They both do things that are incredibly annoying and frustrating, but I suppose they would say the same about me.  The two of them are going to be spending a lot of time together (“bachelors,” as Rob told Jack this morning) when I’m on the road.  I just hope Jack keeps his partying ways in check.