Category Archives: Family

Why Isn’t Someone Taping This?!

So I’m a shitty blogger lately.  There, I said it.  I just haven’t been inspired to write, I suppose.  Maybe my life’s too boring?  Or maybe I just haven’t been keeping track of all the weird things that I observe in any given day.  Whatever the reason, I need to get my shit together. My brother got me this great book on writing for my birthday in March and the biggest tip to becoming a better writer is simply DO IT!  So, I’m doing it.

The last thing I wrote about was my (yet to be announced) brilliant idea of how we’re going to survive in this god forsaken world.  I still have no concrete plan, but don’t give up on me.  Some things are in the works.  If I can ever get my husband, whom I rarely see anymore, to stop working, stuff is going to happen.  And until that stuff happens, I’ll enjoy the other stuff that goes on around me.

Like yesterday, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my fam for Mother’s Day. This is pretty much the only day of the year that we can talk my older sister into doing a shot. And seeing her do a shot is great entertainment.  Usually because part of it ends up coming out of her mouth as a slow drool.  Equally as entertaining is her husband that is, for some odd reason, obsessed with talking about marijuana. Which is strange considering he’s only smoked it once and had a terrible reaction that left him feeling like he was walking on the moon (his words, not mine).  Despite being “messed up” from this one pot smoking experience, he talks about it constantly.  As in, “does this dessert have marijuana in it?”  By the way, the dessert was not brownies.

Nearly every single time my family gets together I wonder why in the hell there aren’t cameras rolling.  We would make AMAZING reality television.  I’m telling you; it’s good material almost all the time.  The character lineup is unreal.  We have rednecks, people that talk to themselves, children that are beyond difficult, martyrs, negative nellies and so so much more.

I think soon I’ll have to post some video of just how hilarious we are.  So don’t give up on my blog just yet.  There are epic posts to come.

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Dreaming

Today is May 1.  Two days ago it was close to 80 degrees and sunny.  Today, it’s SNOWING!  Which, by the way, none of the local meteorologists knew anything about.  In fact I just heard one of them say, “Well, there may be a few flurries going on right now.”  Ummm it’s a full-on snowstorm at my house!  Weather has been a heated topic on this blog.  As seen here.  And listen, I know that complaining doesn’t do much, but I cannot not say something about it.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about maybe not staying in Utah forever.  So, maybe it’s time I stopped complaining about shitty weather and moved some place where I won’t have to.  Easier said than done, right?  I mean if I keep doing the whole freelance thing, I can technically live anywhere that provides me with a decent airport nearby.  Rob’s job is a different story. I can dream though.  Hell, maybe I can do more than dream.  In fact, Rob, my brother and I have kind of a brilliant plan to simplify our lives and live more sustainably.  I’m not going to tell you, because we’re still working out the details.  Trust me that it’s brilliant though.

The thing is that I want to be a bit of a dreamer.  I don’t mean that I want to be unrealistic or irresponsible.  I just mean that I want to do more than just talk about an idea.  I want to do everything within my power to make it happen.  And if it doesn’t, at least I tried.  I’m that person that sees a documentary about someone making a dramatic change; someone living on their own terms, and I’m inspired beyond words but all I do is talk about it.  I’ll tell everyone I know how great the film was and say things like, “Why don’t we do this?”  And then I do nothing.

I’m feeling the need to try.  And I know you have no idea what it is I’m even talking about, but send your positive energy my way.  I promise to do the same in return.

Birthdays are Cool

So, I mentioned in my last blog that I had a birthday coming up.  It was yesterday. Don’t feel bad if you forgot to send me some birthday love.  I felt like a rockstar most of the day.  If I ever consider getting rid of my Facebook account, I’ll remind myself of how good I feel about the site when my big day rolls around.  The love was pouring in all day!

My birthday is always extra cool because I share the day with my older sister.  Yes, we have the same birthday but we’re three years apart.  When we were kids this wasn’t necessarily the coolest thing to share a birthday, but now?  Now, it’s the shit. It helps that she’s one of my favorite people.  And, it’s just fun.  The last couple of years we’ve gone for lunch and then hit the spa.  I love the spa.  Honestly, if I had loads of extra cash, I’m pretty sure I’d spend it being pampered.

Yesterday we both opted for a spa treatment we’d never tried (we’re getting adventurous now that we’re in our mid and late 30’s).  It’s called a Native American Body Balancer.  I thought for sure we’d leave covered in body paint and feathers, but sadly, we did not.  Calm down, it’s a joke.  The treatment is a skin exfoliation/detox that involves a scrub, steam, shower and body butter application.  The scrub?  A little scratchy, but it was fine and the local herb mixture smelled amazing.  The steam?  Holy hot!  Thank God the lady told me how to turn it off, because there is no way in hell I would have lasted in that room for 20 minutes.  I’m pretty sure I turned it off after like seven minutes.  I think I’m still sweating.  My skin is happy today though, and I do feel slightly detoxed, which may or may not be a placebo thing.

I ended the day with a Gmail chat interview (more on that when I know where it’s all going) and a wonderful dinner with my little family.  Rob, Em and I have such a great time together, and I am reminded of that so often.  I feel like a very lucky woman to have such an incredible husband and stepdaughter.  Jack and Kitty never actually wished me a ‘Happy Birthday,’ but I could feel their love.  Damn, life is good.

The Art of Doing Nothing

There are days when I think I’m going to do a whole lot of nothing.  I’m like, “I’m going to stay in my pajamas all day, watch lots of reality TV and surf Pinterest for hours.”  Then, 9:00am hits and I’m like, “I should get dressed and get stuff done.” It’s a curse, I’m telling you.  Just call me the ‘Queen of Getting Things Done.’ I mean I’m really good at it.  To be honest, by 9:00am I’ve already cooked and cleaned up breakfast, fed the animals, started a load of laundry and vacuumed up lots of dog hairs.

Is there such a thing as being too productive?  Because I think I’d like to diagnosis myself with this rare disorder.  Granted, I’m lucky enough to spend a lot of time at home (without human children) and have the time to get stuff done.  There are days, however, when I wish I would just stop accomplishing already and chill the fuck out.

Or, honestly, I’d like my husband to be able to take a day off work and chill out with me.  I think nothing sounds better than curling up in bed all day, watching movies on the laptop, reading, playing games, scouring every home decor magazine in the house (my favorite activity) and eating.  Yes, all in bed. Of course Jack will need to be right there with us, shedding his many dog hairs, but he’s so cute that we’ll allow it.

Next week I’m on the road again for work, so I suppose that whole day-in-bed thing will have to wait.  Maybe I can convince Rob to do this for my upcoming Birthday though (March 26th for those of you that would like to send me a gift)?  In the meantime, I’ll get some shit done.

Money Maker

I had every intention of writing this post yesterday, but somewhere between the total starvation and raging headache, I forgot.  Ok, it’s not really that bad.  Rob and I are doing a 3 day juice cleanse, so I did get a bit of a headache and felt a little hungry yesterday late afternoon, but the truth is that I feel pretty good overall. Rob, on the other hand, said eating a shoe sounded good to him.  I’ll write about it more when it’s all said and done.

In other news, I’ve come up with a new money making venture.  The freelance thing has been slow for awhile now, so I’m looking into other ways to bring in some money.  This idea happens to be one I stole from the awesomely funny television show New Girl.  It’s just such a perfect fit!

In their apartment (on the show), they have what’s called an “annoying jar.”  Every time one of the roomies does something considered annoying by any of the other roomies, the annoying one has to put money in the jar.  You might be thinking, but she doesn’t even have roommates, so what good will this do?  I do have one roommate though; my husband.  And because I love him very much, I can tell you that he is the king of annoying.  Wait, let’s capitalize that; King of Annoying.  That’s better.

In just one evening at home I guarantee you I could make a shit ton of money. Like every time he makes one of his super annoying noises, that’s like $10 in the jar. More if he’s already been asked to stop making these obnoxious sounds.  It sounds weird, I know, but Rob likes to make high-pitched noises and make other loud outbursts on a regular basis.  For some reason it’s especially bad when we’re playing Word With Friends against each other, which we do almost daily.

Rob also likes to call me all kinds of nicknames that really aren’t that cute.  I mean yes, they are pretty comical, but if I can classify them as annoying, well, money! Some of the most common names he calls me:

Slip N’ Slide

Riboflavin

Poop Pickle

Stink Biscuit

Smoke Screen

There are many more, but you get the idea.  Romantic, eh?  They are if they equal money in the jar!  Of course, I’m looking at other “job” options, but I think this could be very profitable.  Profitable, for me.  I guess Rob could end up poor.  Damn, I didn’t really think that through.

Operation Socialization

My dog has some issues.  If you’re familiar with this blog you’ve read about them in entries such as this.  That was a dramatic day for sure.  I’m kind of dramatic though. Yes, Jack either wasn’t socialized as a puppy or he suffered some sort of abuse/neglect.  He was a stray and was rescued only minutes before being put to sleep, so we know nothing of his history.  He is such a lover though, and I know that the nips and bites he’s taken at people are out of fear.  He is beyond skittish and simply doesn’t know how else to respond. And he deserves to learn how to respond. He really has been doing great, but I want him to have more exposure to new people.

So, we’re going to have people over at least once a week for him to meet.  Some of the people he’s already met but doesn’t see on a regular basis.  Others might be brand new.  Is this scary for me?  Absolutely.  I’m really excited though.  I’m excited for people to see how great he’s doing and get to know him.  I’m excited to face my fears head-on.  I’m excited to actually have people over.  I love cooking for friends and family and yet I never do it.  I mean I cook for our little family every night, but I’m talking more along the entertaining lines.

I’m determined to make 2013 a year filled with happiness and success.  What I need to remember is that things aren’t always going to go perfectly and that’s OK.  The ups and downs are all part of the journey.  My therapist would be so proud to hear me say that.  I’m also going to remember all the stellar things about Jack, because they far outweigh the negative ones.  Like take his report card from doggy daycare last month.  He stayed a couple of nights while we were in Deer Valley with the family and he got an A freakin’ +!  They couldn’t say enough good about him, how much he loved playing with his friends Winston and Nixon (great dog names, by the way) and how sweet he was.

So here’s to new adventures!

Jack playing with his cousin, Noki

Jack playing with his cousin, Noki

Birth Control

A couple of weeks ago my sister told me she had a dream that I had a baby.  I was immediately like, “Oh no!  Was I a nervous wreck in the dream?  Did I check on the baby every 30 seconds to make sure he/she was still breathing?”  Jess assured me that it was all good.  It was a boy and things seemed great.  Her dream has no idea what the reality would look like.

Ever since she told me that I’ve been a little bit panicky.  Like what if something crazy happened and I got pregnant?  That would not be good, my friends.  No, I do not hate children.  I actually really like kids.  Rob and I have just decided that it’s not something we’re going to embark on together.  We’ll enjoy his daughter and our pets.  I mean Rob is not a spring chicken.  He looks like a spring chicken and acts like a spring chicken (totally rides his bike like one), but his drivers license says otherwise.  And remember, I’m a bit of a neurotic mess, so there’s that.

Who can afford kids these days anyway?  I get together with my girlfriends and they talk about all the lessons their five kids are in (yes, I said five) and I start getting heart palpitations.  I mean they obviously have a yearly income of like a million dollars.  How else is all this possible?

So in light of this new worry, I’ve been extra diligent about taking those magic pills they call birth control.  My doctor prescribed a new brand though and the tablets are chewable.  Chewable birth control?  What the hell?  So I’m chewing them, but I’m worried because little pieces are getting stuck in my teeth.  I’m (obviously) obsessively picking them out and swallowing them.  What if enough doesn’t make it into my system?  Good lord.  It is not necessary to have these pills be chewable. They are itty bitty!

Anyway, there’s my latest and greatest worry.  I’ve already brought it up with my therapist.