Category Archives: health

Birthdays are Cool

So, I mentioned in my last blog that I had a birthday coming up.  It was yesterday. Don’t feel bad if you forgot to send me some birthday love.  I felt like a rockstar most of the day.  If I ever consider getting rid of my Facebook account, I’ll remind myself of how good I feel about the site when my big day rolls around.  The love was pouring in all day!

My birthday is always extra cool because I share the day with my older sister.  Yes, we have the same birthday but we’re three years apart.  When we were kids this wasn’t necessarily the coolest thing to share a birthday, but now?  Now, it’s the shit. It helps that she’s one of my favorite people.  And, it’s just fun.  The last couple of years we’ve gone for lunch and then hit the spa.  I love the spa.  Honestly, if I had loads of extra cash, I’m pretty sure I’d spend it being pampered.

Yesterday we both opted for a spa treatment we’d never tried (we’re getting adventurous now that we’re in our mid and late 30’s).  It’s called a Native American Body Balancer.  I thought for sure we’d leave covered in body paint and feathers, but sadly, we did not.  Calm down, it’s a joke.  The treatment is a skin exfoliation/detox that involves a scrub, steam, shower and body butter application.  The scrub?  A little scratchy, but it was fine and the local herb mixture smelled amazing.  The steam?  Holy hot!  Thank God the lady told me how to turn it off, because there is no way in hell I would have lasted in that room for 20 minutes.  I’m pretty sure I turned it off after like seven minutes.  I think I’m still sweating.  My skin is happy today though, and I do feel slightly detoxed, which may or may not be a placebo thing.

I ended the day with a Gmail chat interview (more on that when I know where it’s all going) and a wonderful dinner with my little family.  Rob, Em and I have such a great time together, and I am reminded of that so often.  I feel like a very lucky woman to have such an incredible husband and stepdaughter.  Jack and Kitty never actually wished me a ‘Happy Birthday,’ but I could feel their love.  Damn, life is good.

Ask the Pharmacist

So remember that whole nightmare with the chewable birth control?  Well, chewing those things got worse when I got to the end of the pack.  The four little brown pills don’t taste so much like mint.  No.  It’s more like pure ass.  It’s not good.  And again, half the pill ended up stuck in my tooth.  I knew I couldn’t go on like this.

At the pharmacy, I was thrilled to say, “yes” when they asked me, “Do you have any questions for the pharmacist?”  I’ve never said yes.  They called the pharmacist over and I told him I knew it might be a dumb question, but I was wondering if it was OK to swallow the pills even though they’re chewable.  Honest to God, the dude looked at me like I was the dumbest person on the planet.  Instead of reassuring me that this was not a dumb question, he gave the ‘you are the biggest idiot’ look before saying, “Yeah.”

So, the good news is I can swallow the damn pills.  The bad news is the pharmacist is a total douche bag.

I’ll Drink to That

Sorry for my absence.  Somewhere between finishing the cleanse, reintroducing solid food and figuring out how we can afford to drink these juices on a regular basis, I forgot to write.  I’m here now though, and I’m ready to give you the full report.  You know, because maybe you’re curious.  Or maybe not.

When the cleanse was all said and done, Rob and I gave it a huge thumbs up.  Did we have our thumbs up in the middle of day 1?  Probably not.  I mean I may have had a partial thumb up, but Rob was just pissed and really hungry.  I can’t say that I ever felt like I was starving to death.  Was I hungry at times?  Absolutely.  I knew I was getting lots of nutrients though and just kept telling myself, “It’s only 3 days.” That and reminding myself we had spent a shit ton of money on this thing helped me stick with it.

I think the hardest thing to get used to for me was not cooking or preparing food for 3 days.  I am the cook in the family and so a decent amount of my time goes into planning and preparing meals.  It was very strange to not have to make dinner every night.  Instead of sitting down at the dinner table, we clinked our juice bottles together and sat on the couch savoring every last drop, wondering if going to bed at 8:00pm would be too early.

It’s true.  When you’re not eating, you figure you may as well be sleeping.  Plus, if you’re asleep, you don’t have to think about all the food you’re not eating.  And, honestly, sleep is important in all of this.  You really want to make sure you’re getting enough rest.  We didn’t exercise other than walking Jack and just tried to take it easy.  Rob nearly resorted to being a mute for 3 days.  He was so quiet that at one point I asked him if he was alright and he said, “I’m just trying to conserve my energy for work.”  Apparently talking was just too much.

By the time we reached the evening of the final day both of us were like, “We could totally keep this up.  I feel great.”  Part of that might have been the fact that we knew we were going to eat food the following morning, yes.  I think you also just really start to feel cleansed though.  Mentally, it’s a reset.  I mean you should see the amount of produce in my fridge and on my counters right now!  We have definitely started anew.

I miss it now.  Yesterday I broke down and bought one of the $8 juices (yes, they are $8/each!).  I was craving it.  My skin, eyes, hair and nails are so much happier when I’m drinking that stuff.  So, would I do it again?  Definitely.  If you’re interested in knowing more, check out their website:  God, I wish they were paying me to tell you this.  They’re not, but I believe in it, so I’m telling you anyway.  I’m a good person like that.

Cleaning Up Our Act

The daily goods

The daily goods









So this cleanse thing Rob and I have been doing has been interesting.  It’s the Suja juice cleanse which consists of drinking six different cold pressed juices each day for three days.  Nothing else.  Well, water, of course.  No food though.  Which is hard, because we both really like food.  I would go as far as to say that I’m kind of a foodie. I love everything about food.  I love cooking it, I love presenting it, and I especially love eating it.

We’re not doing this cleanse to drop lots of weight (although some weight loss will occur).  We’re doing it to give ourselves a mental restart.  That and I have a major sweet tooth that some might go as far as to call a sugar addiction.  I LOVE sugar.  I love baking things with sugar in them and licking the bowl clean. So we felt it was time to hit the pause button on the whole eating thing.

What I will say is I think it will definitely make me more aware of what I put into my mouth and cause me to stop and ask myself whether or not I’m actually hungry before I mindlessly reach for yet another something.

Unfortunately it’s also caused some of what Rob and I like to call “ass breath.” There’s this nasty film on our teeth that doesn’t seem to go away with brushing. It’s not good, people.  Chewing obviously does a lot to help with ass breath, so when you’re not chewing, well.  Also, I’m peeing like 20 times a day.  This is not an exaggeration.  It’s 1:20pm right now and I’ve already peed nine times.  Peeing gets old.

Today is the final day, so I’ll give a full report tomorrow when I’m enjoying a big ol’ avocado.

Witnessing Stupidity

In my last entry I talked about the horrendous air we’re breathing here in Salt Lake. It’s so bad that there is no way every single person living here could not know about it.  And know how bad it is to breathe it in for long periods of time (short periods of time, actually).  Yet I’ve witnessed people jogging (one in a t-shirt and shorts) on almost a daily basis.

The best eyewitness account though?  A dude was out riding a stationary bike on State Street as a form of advertising for an exercise equipment store.  It was like the manager said, “You know what, swinging a sign around is just not enough.  Let’s have him ride one of the bikes we want to sell in this toxic, freezing air.  Yeah, that’s just what we’ll do.”  When that guy gets lung cancer he should totally sue.


A good part of yesterday afternoon and last night I had a headache from hell.  I’ve been getting these headaches, I think, because of the terrible air we all have to breathe here in Salt Lake.  It got so bad last night that there were several times I thought I’d blow chunks.  And I really didn’t want to blow chunks.  For a couple of reasons.  First, vomiting is not my thing.  Second, I’d just had grilled fish tacos and I was like, that is not going to be good when it comes back up.  Luckily I never hurled. I went to bed at like 9:00pm instead.

Look at this forecast description and tell me it doesn’t depress the shit out of you.

Patchy fog will once again develop this evening along the Wasatch Front along with freezing fog that will glaze over some of the roadways. Overnight lows will be in the single digits with highs in the valleys stuck in the 20s. Above the inversion, look for sunshine and warmer temperatures. Highs in the mountains will be in the upper 30s and lows 40s. The overall pattern will hold through the middle to end of next week.

I’m pretty sure we’ll be escaping to higher elevations today so we can catch our breath.  That and thaw out.

For the Health of It

I’m not a huge fan of going to the doctor’s.  The dentist, yes.  (I love going to the dentist because it is impossible to get your teeth feeling that clean on your own)!  I really never head to the doc’s office except for my annual visit with my OBGYN.  Do I look forward to placing my feet on the stirrups and having someone I see once a year crank some cold metal device up my you-know-what?  No.  I know that it’s important though, so I do it.  I also oblige when the nurse asks if I’ll pee in a cup for her.  I’ve been peeing in a cup for years (at the doctor’s office!), and yet I still suck at it.  I’m sure the nurse is thinking, what in the hell is she doing in there?  What I’m doing is cleaning the pee off the outside of the cup and my hand!  Thank God I no longer need to come strutting out of the bathroom with a cup of warm pee in my hand.  Remember that?  Inevitably someone is right outside the bathroom and you no longer have any dignity.  Now, I get to leave my pee cup in the restroom.

In addition to my annual check-up, I try to exercise at least a few times a week. Today I hopped on my spin bike and cranked up a workout mix I have on my iPod. You would not believe how motivated I feel when Eminem belts out, “If she ever tries to fuckin’ leave again, I’m a tie her to this bed and set this house on fire!”  So violent, I know!  I’m telling you though, I am pumped when I listen to this song and I start pedaling like a son of a bitch.

Now, what do you all think about marijuana?  Healthy?  Relax, I’m not smoking it.  I inhaled enough second hand pot to keep me high for years.  I came across this scratch-n-sniff marijuana poster on Amazon today though.  Is this not hilarious? And hey, I’m pretty sure it’s not bad for your health.

If you like the smell of pot, you are in luck!

So Far Not So Good

I booked a massage today for a few reasons: 1) I got it on Groupon for a steal, 2) I adore massages and 3) I thought it would be a good anti-anxiety activity (see previous blog). Upon entering the parking lot, I was immediately turned off.  It was really dirty and not at all maintained, which seemed odd for a spa that normally charges $80 for a 1-hour massage.  It wasn’t enough of a turn-off to not go in though.  I mean I had paid $35.  So in I walked.  The lobby was a little less than really nice, but it wasn’t terrible.  The receptionist (who also looked a little unkept) greeted me and told me someone would be right out.  And right out he was.  Enter the ex-con dude.

Listen, I know all of this is about to sound super duper judgmental, but hear me out. When getting a massage, it’s important to feel comfortable with the person that is about to touch your naked body for a full hour.  No, you’re not going to be BFF’s right away, but you really want to feel like this person is competent and not a creeper in the least.  Part of that feeling, I’m sorry to say, comes from their appearance.  This guy’s appearance (damn, I wish I could remember his name!) was very ex-con/white trash/creeper like.  He had on a ratty t-shirt, low-riding jean shorts and unlaced tennis shoes unaccompanied by some prison-looking tattoos (I know, there is nothing wrong with tattoos, but it just added to the whole ensemble). Maybe even if he was dressed in a tux, I would have gotten the eebie jeebies.  I do believe in intuition, after all.

I immediately thought about lying there on the table with this dude touching me and I wanted to throw up in my mouth.  I mean I really had a not-so-good feeling.  I proceeded to fill out the form hoping that maybe he was just the guy that handled the paper work.  When he came back though he was like, “So where would you like me to focus?”  And that’s when I knew I had to leave. So after answering questions like, “Do you have any lacerations I need to know about” (lacerations?!), I told a big fat lie and said, “I need to grab something out of my car.”  Only instead of grabbing something out of my car, I got in and drove like hell straight out of the parking lot.

Obviously my anxiety level went up rather than down, but you know what, that’s OK.  I’m feeling really good about my decision right now.  I mean even if Mr. Creeper was legit, there is no way I would have ever been able to relax.  Note to self: Pay the big bucks for the spas and massage therapists you know and trust.  It’s worth every penny.

Oh and so that all of you Utahns can avoid this place, it’s called A New Day Spa and is located on Highland Drive.