Category Archives: Family

The Daily – Sunday

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Sunday is probably my favorite day of the week.  I mean yes, it sucks that the next day is Monday, but I love so many things about Sundays.  I love the Sunday paper, the fact that we eat a “special” breakfast (not our typical green smoothie and toast) and that it’s usually a day of getting stuff done mixed with fun and relaxation. Today was not a typical Sunday though.  Rob had to go into work before noon and it looks like the earliest he’ll be home is 10:00pm.  I’m so proud of him for working so hard (watch Fox 13 tonight at 9:00pm for their first HD newscast in their brand spankin’ new studio!).  It makes me realize how much I miss having him around though and Sunday just doesn’t feel like Sunday today.

Worn Out

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After some intense “wrestling,” the boys conked out on the bed.  For some reason Jack was full of it and went absolutely crazy after we gave him a bath.  He does not like getting a “tubber” as I like to call it.  A treat doesn’t even lure him into the bathroom.  And once we get him in the tub he stands there frozen the entire time, scared to death.  As soon as he’s able to taste freedom again he starts running up and down the hall like a complete lunatic until I insist that Rob do some serious playing with him.  So, naturally, he wore himself right out. What he clearly doesn’t understand is that if he would stop rolling his head in poop, we wouldn’t need to subject him to said baths.  Hellooooo.

The Good, the Bad and the Funny

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I am on a roll today.  I mean I’m getting a lot done.  Or as Rob would say, I’m “settin’ ’em up and knockin’ ’em down.”  I’m traveling to teach a new course the week after next, so I’ve been working to learn the material, and I have to say that I’m very proud of how disciplined I am.  So, to reward myself I thought I’d indulge in some chips.  Bad, bad move.  These particular chips are impossible to stop eating.  I challenge you to try eating just a handful.  There is absolutely positively no way you’d be able to do it.  Here are said chips.  You can buy them at Costco, but I strongly suggest you don’t, because you will eat half the bag in one sitting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The good thing is that while I was mowing down half a bag of chips, Jack and Kitty were just chillin’ together.  The photo is a little blurry, but you get the idea.  I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to kiss up to her so she’ll let him eat all of her food.   Pretty sure that’s exactly what he did this morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, chips: bad.  Jack and Kitty: good.  The funny?  Yesterday Stevie had a treatment at Primary Children’s Hospital, so we were there all day.  We had to share a room with another patient (you know, there’s a lovely curtain in between but you can hear every word they’re saying).  The little girl was not behaving so her mom told her, “If you don’t start minding me, Grandma’s going to spank you.”  Apparently Grandma’s spanks are scarier than her own?  Anyway, on our way out of the room for a little walk, Stevie turned to the mom and yelled, “YOU SAID SHE WAS GOING TO GET SPANKED FROM GRANDMA!”  Jess and I were like, “shhh.”  But Stevie was so proud of herself for saying something and quickly responded with, “I remembered!”  She was really happy with herself for remembering what the mom had said so she could remind her of her terrible parenting.  She’s one of a kind.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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This will not be a mushy post.  Valentine’s Day was definitely cooler as a kid.  I mean I am not anti-Valentine’s by any means.  Rob and I exchange cards and make a nice dinner at home, but I just think it’s silly that people feel obligated to do the whole flower/chocolate/jewelry/god awful stuffed animal thing just because Cupid said so. Was it Cupid?  I don’t know.

Anyway, as a kid, you got to make Valentine’s boxes!  Of course mine always sucked, but it was still so fun.  Making cards for your entire class and carefully selecting the conversation hearts so no one got the wrong idea… or someone got the right idea.  A few years back my sisters, stepdaughter and I decided what the hell, we can still make boxes!  So we did.  The only problem was no one put any Valentine’s cards in them.  Minor detail.

Jack clearly doesn’t understand that today is a holiday about love.  If he did, he wouldn’t have rolled in dog poop.  Why must they do this?  I think he has a bit of a poop obsession lately.  I caught him with a piece in his mouth today (he dropped it), and then he came inside later with it all over his neck.  Hello, I am not feeling the love, Jack!  Maybe I can sweet talk Rob into giving him a bath.  You know, “Sweetie, since it’s Valentine’s Day….”

However you celebrate or don’t celebrate today, at least eat some chocolate.  You do have an excuse after all!

Progress

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HUGE steps have been made the last couple of days with Jack and Kitty.  I know, you’ve been dying to know how things are shaping up between the two of them. Well, they are shaping up nicely.  The cat still acts a little scared at times, but for the most part she does a lot of purring when she’s around him.  Jack has been giving all kinds of kisses.  I think maybe he’s trying to clean her up a bit (she tends to leave a lot of litter on herself).  The butthole licking is a bit too much, but I’m just so happy they’re becoming friends.  Now they don’t sit and stare at each other the entire time but can spend time just chilling next to each other.  Look how cute they are!  Oh, and notice his back leg that is a little elevated.  He’s doing his morning yoga, I guess.

The Things You Do for Love

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Remember that guy I’ve mentioned before named Rob?  You know, my husband of seven and a half years who farts so loudly in the middle of the night that he wakes himself up?  Yeah, that one.  Well, he continues to entertain me in ways that some might not find entertaining.  In fact, some might find them downright disgusting. Tell me which side of the fence you’re on.

First, he has this really bad habit of wearing his leather watch band while he’s riding the spin bike.  Listen, the dude sweats when he rides the bike.  And, in case you didn’t know and don’t want to try figuring it out on your own, sweat on leather smells like pure ass.  In other words, it’s a very bad combo.  What’s super nasty (and annoying) about the whole thing is that he does it over and over and over and over (and over) again.  And every time he’s like, “Uh oh, you’re going to be mad.  I left my watch on again.”  Then, he asks me to smell it.

After I refuse to smell it, he tells me like a hundred times how bad it stinks.  Then, he decides he’s going to try washing the smell out.  Ok, that’s good.  Not good? Using his foot brush to wash it.  His foot brush is the one he uses to clean his fungus toenails.  I mean he has pretty much cleared up the fungus with the anti-fungal ointment, but this still seems like a bad idea.  I try not to even comment anymore when he comes out of the bathroom and announces, “I cleaned my watch with the foot brush.”

Remember, this is a man who is beyond talented.  He has like 12 Emmy’s to his name, rides a unicycle and plays the guitar.  Yet, he CAN’T REMEMBER TO TAKE HIS GOD DAMN WATCH OFF!  Sorry, a little outburst.  Oh, and the other week I saw something on the desk, the desk where he sits everyday.  I thought maybe it was just a crumb of something, so I picked it up.  That was when I realized it was not a crumb but a booger.  Yep, a rolled up booger.  Listen, everyone rolls and then flips their boogers.  Don’t deny it. Most of us flip them into the garbage or at least onto the floor though!  For hell sakes, follow through and make sure your booger is out of site!

So, this is what I deal with on a daily basis.  Obviously, I love him.

The End is Near

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It’s hard to believe that 2011 is coming to an end in just a couple of days.  I’m pretty sure that at the end of every year I’m like, “Where did the year go?  What did I even do?”  That’s probably not a good thing, right?  I mean I did do things.  As a matter of fact, I did some big things at the end of the year.  I took a leap of faith and quit my job, and we finally got brave enough to adopt a dog.  A dog, that I’m fairly positive, is the most loved dog on the planet.

A look back on blogs from the year kind of makes it look like my life is full of big laughs and good times.  I guess that’s kind of true.  Here are some of my favorites:

  • Adventures at the HOA, where anything can happen during a camping weekend.
  • My grandma tried to sell me her shoes (the ones on her feet, remember), which is so awesome.

I hope to see you all back here in 2012!  That’s my New Year’s resolution for you all, after all… That you’ll read my blog faithfully and tell all of your friends how much you love it.  God, I’m shameless.

Family Planking

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I pictured myself having all kinds of time to dedicate to this blog when I left my “regular” job over a month ago.  My vision was obviously way off, but I am committed to getting back on the blogging bandwagon.  Aren’t you stoked?!  Today’s blog is my first step.

Of course, my top priority is my family.  I spent a week in Chicago with my niece, Stevie, trying to find some answers.  Unfortunately her health took a nosedive on the trip and she ended up spending an additional week in the PICU.  If you pray, pray for her and her family.  If you “think” about people and keep them in your thoughts, keep Stevie top of mind.  She needs all the good energy you can muster.

Rob and I also have a new baby at our house.  Ok, not a real baby.  We got a dog! His name is Jack, and I seriously love him like a ridiculous amount.  I loved him this much right out of the gate.  How could I not?  Look how cute he is! The bad news is that the cat doesn’t feel the same way. We’re trying, but as of right now, they have to be separated.  And sadly, Jack doesn’t dare go downstairs and the cat doesn’t dare come upstairs.  I hope that they can, at the very least, be indifferent towards each other.  How else are we supposed to enjoy the holidays together as a family?

Oh, and speaking of the holidays, a celebration with friends the other night was off the hook!  (Am I jumping from subject to subject?  It happens when you blog once a month).  The kids were all serious at the restaurant table while the adults decided to give planking a try.  And I’m not talking just regular ol’ planking.  I’m talking taking planking to a new level.  As in we stacked people on top of other people.  See for yourself below.  We do this Christmas dinner once a year, but I have to say that this year was absolutely positively the best yet.  I guess that can happen when you get a bunch of really good, really fun people together.

The Cat Drama Continues

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Remember the whole cat fiasco?  If not, you can find it here.  In addition to the vet’s office robbing us, they also neglected to apprise us of the possible side effects of steroid injections. Shortly after the steroid shot I noticed that Kitty’s litter box seemed to be filling up much quicker than normal.  Much quicker as in it looked as if she was peeing and pooping all day long.  She was also eating every morsel of her food and drinking every drop of her water.  When she was finished pigging out, she would move her food and water dishes around making it look as if she got pissed when she realized it was all gone and started throwing them.  Yes, side effects include, but are not limited to, increased thirst, appetite, urination and aggression.

So not only has this little creature cost us a shit ton of money, but she’s now costing me a shit ton of time.  I am cleaning the litter box almost every single god damn day.  And it’s not like I just have to clean out the box itself.  I also have to sweep up all the litter that she has managed to throw out of the box onto the floor.

Oh, and litter is now all over our house.  Now that she spends a large portion of her day in the litter box, she leaves traces of litter wherever she lays.  Luckily she’s not allowed on the upstairs furniture.

She’s allowed pretty much everywhere else though.  Last night she was laying on Rob’s lap and I noticed little pieces of litter all over his leg.  Then I noticed wet spots on the couch and realized she was drooling like a son of a bitch.  God, steroids and old age do not look good on her.

Here she is not in the litter box, clearly not wanting her photo taken.

When Family Reunions Go Bad

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Last weekend was Rob’s family reunion.  It was a camping reunion, which automatically means there is more potential for things to go south. I mean if you only spend like half a day with your extended family, you can sober up for long enough to appear normal. When you have an entire weekend… in the mountains… a much different potential for disaster exists.

I already know my family is nuts.  We talk about it regularly and accept it wholeheartedly.  On my mom’s side we’ve got recovering drug addicts, alcoholics and a bunch of ornery people.  The last family gathering consisted of drunk people repeatedly dropping F bombs in front of small children and kissing my grandma on the head while others sighed heavily and made sarcastic comments under their breath.

On my dad’s side, it’s pretty much just a bunch of Mormons.  I am fine with people being Mormon.  I used to be one of them.  What I am not fine with is a testimony meeting at the family Christmas party.  Yes, this really happens.

Anyway, Rob’s family didn’t appear to be nearly as interesting at first glance.  That could partly be because we see them, sadly, like once every few years.  I think I’ve only met one of his sisters once… at a funeral.  This last weekend proved that they have crazy potential just like my family though!  Which is good, because otherwise this would be the most boring blog ever.

The family reunion was progressing splendidly until a certain crazy showed up.  This crazy will remain unnamed.  It’s not important that his name is Bill anyway, is it? Oops.  I’m kidding, his name is  not Bill, but I will call him Bill.  Bill is new to the family.  Technically he’s not officially a family member quite yet (engagement status).  This was his first time meeting everyone, so he kindly took the time to walk around the fire and meet each person.  It became clear quickly that he might be on some sort of heavy drug when his conversation with Em and me went something like this:

Me:  Hi, I’m Sondra.  I’m married to Rob, Fred’s (his fiance’s dad) brother.

Bill:  Ok wait, who is Rob?

Me:  Rob is my husband.

Bill:  But who is he?

Me:  Fred’s brother.

Bill:  Long drug-induced stare.

Me:  And this is my stepdaughter, Emily.

Bill:  So, your stepdaughter through adoption?

Me:  You’re fucking kidding me, right?  (This is what I said in my head) Ummm no, through marriage.

Bill:  So, she’s your biological daughter?

Me:  Yeah, I just decided to add step to make her feel small (again in my head) No, she’s Rob’s biological daughter.  I married Rob, so therefore she’s my stepdaughter.

I’m pretty sure his head exploded after that.

The rest of the weekend consisted of him stealing food out of people’s coolers and asking every adult how old they were.  Then, on Sunday morning, I witnessed him stealthily open his car trunk, grab a massive bottle of vodka and take a few major swigs.  This was 9:30am!  He made his way back for a few more blasts of the good stuff about 30 minutes later.  Little did he know Detective Stephens (that’s me in case you didn’t put it together) was on the lookout!

Thank God he came, because other than his antics, we thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with each other and roasting starbursts in the fire (If you haven’t done this yet, you must.  The starbursts turn into crystallized, warm, chewy pieces of goodness).